I'm In Love!

Many, many years ago, I wrote a poem titled "I'm in Love". It was a poem about the love I had in my heart toward a God who would give His only Son as a sacrifice for my sins so that I could be made whole. I wanted to post that poem as my blog post for this month, however, it's stored on the hard drive of a computer that I haven't used in many years.  And the hard copy version seems to be "lost" in the never-ending supply of pages I've written over the years.  Believe me, I've searched for it and I've come to the conclusion that the Love I wrote about in that poem has grown so much so that a new poem is definitely in order for this blog post.

I spoke of a Love that was precious and new
It was so overwhelming that I didn't know what to do
When I'd told my family and friends of this Love I'd found
They took one look at the words and said I was out of my mind
Of a man surely it was that I spoke
To say that I loved God like that was really a joke
To write words like that with paper and pen
I could only be talking about mere mortal men
So I stored this poem on a computer and the back of my mind
Never realizing when I needed it, it would be hard to find
Even though I can't find what I wrote way back then
This Love in my heart is sure, steadfast and as close as my pen
So I sit here and write to the Lover of my heart
So much has changed since You gave me a brand new start
I can no longer hide the Love You freely give to me
Each time I think of this Love it makes me so happy
Happy to know that even when others doubt
I can look to you for answers and a way out
Out of bondage, shame, guilt and fear
Always knowing Your Love is so near
I'm happy, complete and I'm even whole
I now know that this was Your ultimate goal
That I walk worthy and righteous from now til the end
Cause Your Love for me has brought us closer than friends
With each new day and a Love so true
I just want to say
Lord, I'm In Love with You!

Thanksgiving

For so long I've had to deal with the misconception that "something was wrong with me". I mean, why else would I not be married by now with a house full of children?  If desire was the only ingredient then I'd be well stocked for this to have happened.  Only thing is, it takes more than desire to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Just because I want it to happen doesn't mean that it will automatically happen.

Lately I've been reading historical fiction books dealing with mail-order brides.  This one book I read, the lady answered the man's request for a bride and when she traveled to him, he rejected her.  I mean come on dude, you pretty much have told the world that you can't get a woman on your own so you have to "send off" for one and when she comes, you reject her. That's the way I viewed my time with online dating.  Here I was in an environment that should be conducive to bringing people together where it should be easier to get to know one another. A place where it should be easier to open up and reveal yourself so that the other person can get to know the real you; and all I came across were guys who weren't willing to reveal anything at all.

I'm Thankful for my time with online dating, I'm Thankful for my time reading the historical fiction books but I'm most Thankful for the change on the inside of me that has taken place. I no longer feel that there is something wrong with me. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I am worth waiting for, finding and pursuing. I've grown over the year and a half that I've been on the online dating site and now I'm ready for the "REAL" world of dating. When I first got on the site, I still operated by my old mindset that he had to "be" a certain way for me to enter a relationship with him. However, after having interacted with these men, I realize that what I thought I needed OF a man (looks, job, status, etc) was nowhere what's needed IN a man (trust, compassion, willingness to work together, etc) for a relationship to work.

Prayer for my Husband

Father, I thank you for my husband: an authentic man. He works to provide for me, he provides me with emotional security, he's my protector and provides spiritual guidance in our home. He exercises Godly leadership in our home through modeling and giving directions. He does what he says he will do. He's the biggest giver I know. He takes the initiative and is wholly committed to me and he accepts responsibility. 

Father, thank you for my husband who is a real dad; an active and involved father. He schedules time to talk with our children; He often discusses things with them. He takes an active role in our children's education. He has fun with our children and teaches them skills and imparts the knowledge he has gained to them. He always tells them how much he loves them and is proud of them. My husband exemplifies being a real dad through loving, coaching and modeling. He loves by spending time, giving attention, showing affection, encouragement and respect to our children. He coaches by sharing wisdom, guidance, counsel and passing along his skills to our children. He models by being an example of an authentic man to our children.

Father, thank you for my husband who allows me to be the authentic woman you created me to be. He knows I was created to be loved, therefore, he loves me all the days of his life. He knows I am a woman who understands my worth, accepts my role as a mother: to always be there, support dreams, defend against the world, love at all times, love even when neglected, never give up and always go the extra mile all while fulfilling my purpose in the earth.

I Did This To Myself

Why am I not married? Because I wasn't prepared to be married.  I didn't know the first thing about maintaining a healthy married life. I was only equipped with the fact that I knew I wanted to be married one day AND highly believed that I would have a good marriage.  What does that mean? That means that I had enough information (from the Word of God, family and friends marriages) that I've gleaned over the years and declared what would and would not be a part of my marriage based on others actions and experiences. But as far as what happens after the wedding, I was clueless of the commitment it truly requires to have a happy and healthy marriage.

But on August 26th, I got a revelation that I was NOT prepared for my own marriage. Sure, I have enough Word on the subject matter but that Word was just head knowledge. Case in point, why was I waiting to have a disagreement with my husband before I learned how to handle marital conflicts? You may be thinking, a conflict is a conflict. Learn how to handle conflict and you can handle conflict in every relationship. Tell that sentence to married couples and you'll soon understand the difference. For me as a single person, if a conflict arises with a guy I'm dating and we can't resolve it, then the best option would be for us to move on (especially if one or both of us is not fully committed to the relationship).  However, in marriage, where will you move on to because you're engaged in a conflict that appears can't be resolved? 

Since the 26th, I've been immersing myself in God's Word (Logos and Rhema), bible reading plans (courtesy of YouVersion), books on marriage (courtesy of iBooks) and YouTube videos (Touré Roberts and Sarah Jakes on Love, Purpose, Relationships and Destiny) and I truly believe the foundation for my marriage has been established. No longer am I on the outside looking in hoping for a good marriage. I am fully persuaded that I am prepared for an exceeding abundantly above all that I can ask or think marriage. Not only that, when I communicate with others now about their marriage, it's the principles I've learned that I share knowing that God's Word is the final say in every good and healthy marriage. 

A Parable and a Gift

In the parable of the talents found in Matthew 25:14-30, I've for the most part, centered on the servants who gained more talents (five and two) in my studies and teaching of this parable. However recently, I've been exposed to the servant who was given the one talent who went and hid his talent (v.18).  When the Man who had given the talents returned, two servants explained how they used what they were given, gained more and were then rewarded. But the one who hid his talent expounded on the (perceived harsh) character of the man instead of taking advantage of an opportunity given to him to increase - and ultimately forfeited his reward.  

How does this relate to the here and now? Lowest common denominator: We all may not have several and various gifts, talents and abilities. But we all have been given at least one gift, talent or ability.  What are you doing with one talent you've been given? Are you increasing and gaining more? Are you using it to be a blessing to someone else? Not only that, how are you responding to the gift, talent or ability that others are sowing into you? Do you feel entitled to it or are you appreciative that someone thought enough to bless you?

This parable, specifically verse 18, has helped me to reconcile the fact that a gift I had given to someone was not used for its intended purpose.  Sure, I know that when a gift is given its the other persons right to do whatever they will with the gift. However, I still had to come to terms with the fact that even though the gift was needed and given out of a pure heart, it was not used for its intended purpose but was allowed to lay waste and dormant; not benefiting the receiver at all. The one question that remains to be answered is "why?" Only the receiver is able to answer that (believe me I've asked), but just like the man in the parable, the only answer I got was about me and my (perceived) character.

Someday Soon

I remember being told by my friend what the guy I liked told her he thought about me. He thought I wasn't "loud" enough to be in his life. Exactly what does that mean? He considered himself to be a player (I guess) and that any woman that was with him should want to be seen. Well, I didn't like to be seen. I was just as happy being in the background rather than out front and on display. But because I really liked this guy, I tried being "loud". Only problem is, he still didn't treat me any better or make me feel loved. 

That being said, I often found myself in other relationships waiting to get the guys opinion of me to determine which Me would be in the relationship. Surely I would meet and be able to keep the guy who wanted me to be or act a certain way. Over time, I began to realize that I didn't even know who I was any longer. So how could I give myself wholeheartedly to someone when I didn't even recognize myself? 

Now that I know who I am and what I want, I intend to stay focused (my actions and words lining up with my expectations) in order to receive the man of my dreams. Lately I had been wondering if I was making a mistake to stay true to my feelings and not deviate (settle for less) from what I desire in order to be in a relationship. However, it has become apparently clear that I am determined to have the kind of relationship and mate that I desire (every opportunity presented I weigh the options) and realize that to deviate would only gain me less than my true desires. 

A New Beginning

In life, you will experience many new beginnings. Sometimes you may have to start over due to no fault of your own; such as a job downsizing. Other times, you may have planned a brand new start for your life; such as returning to school in order to change your career path. In either case, it's how well you are prepared for the new beginning that will determine your outlook on life.

You may be wondering, how can I prepare for my job being downsized? It's all in your perspective on how you see this reduction in force affecting your life. If you think it's the end of your livelihood then it probably will be. If you see it as an opportunity to begin anew and try something different, then the many new career options that are available to you will put you in a position where you have choices of the path you will take. 

Now that you have seen how your perspective can affect your outlook about a job being downed sized, you will be able to apply that same principle to other areas of your life. Are you missing out on the many new beginnings in your life because your perspective has been off? If so, I'd like to encourage you by saying that when I stopped seeing the negative things (I've gone through 3 job downsizings in four years time) that have happened to me as stumbling blocks (the end of my hopes and dreams) but stepping stones (additional time to prepare for my dreams to come true), my whole outlook on life has been changed. 

Never let your situation 

Tell you who you are

God has a better plan

Where you'll outshine the brightest star

Now's the time to keep your head up

And trust Him with your heart

Cause often what looks like the end

Is always a brand new start

Vacation

Now is the season for vacations, even if you have to enjoy a staycation at home. That means transitioning from what you were doing (working) to what you will be doing (relaxing).  In my own personal life, a transition is taking place. However, this coming week, I'll be on vacation.

I'm taking this time to relax because I have been laboring to give my best on my blog and I want to continue to encourage and inspire you. That being said, once I get back to work, my time allotted for posting to my blog will be altered. I thoroughly enjoy writing and sharing and I've even been "informed" that to not blog is NOT an option :)

I've decided that in this transition, I will also be making changes to my blog. Where I used to post once a week, I will now post once a month. You can follow me on Twitter @M924life to see when a new post has come out. I appreciate your continued support and look forward to Enjoying the Journey as I Possess the Land.

What People are saying

Thought I'd take this opportunity to share with you some of the feedback I've been getting about my blog. Hope you enjoy reading them as much as I'm enjoying hearing what People are saying.

Gone Bubbly!! You and your international follower!! I read your post.. I really liked it.. A lot of women will be able to relate to your blog and it's very therapeutic.. I'm glad you are doing this.. ( I could have wrote this on your post). Yes!! Very transparent open and honest.

Wow your story brings tears to my eyes. It will make a great book or even a love movie - I'm  just saying. 

Don't ever think it's too late. You will have a relationship in due season. Your story can help so many others out there with similar stories. You can stop someone from committing suicide because they think something is wrong with them. 

I am very proud of your resolve and your confidence in being able to share with the world your journey. I have not been able to keep up, as I would like, but it has been both refreshing and an eye opener to just how much I do and don't know about my best friend. It has also caused me to ask myself, " could I be this open and honest with someone?" Keep moving forward and I look forward to both reading and talking to you in the future. 

Thank you for your pearls of wisdom in your blogs!!! They are truly encouraging!!! Keep 'em coming!!!

I generally like to respond back to comments so to follow is what I am saying:

I decided to write my story after an incident with a guy online. I wanted to tell my story because I refuse to let anyone else steal my voice. I'm not gonna lie, I to have said men aren't worth the time of day that you give them. But the more I see men (people) the way God see's them, I realize that someone can say the same thing about me. However, I know I'm worth getting to know -flaws and all- so I don't discount people by my past experiences with someone else. I pay close attention to how they treat ME now. No, I'm no longer on any dating sites - I prefer face to face interactions and I'm enjoying them. If you know someone that can use encouragement about relationship issues, please let them know about my Blog. I hope to encourage and inspire others to believe that it can and will get better. Even if you have to navigate life by yourself for a while.

Lord, Help me to Listen

Just like the fortune from a fortune cookie, a word from God can make you feel all good inside but what about its deeper meaning? When God speaks instructions, confirmation or correction to you, do you really listen or did you just hear what was said? To listen means to take notice of and act on what someone says; respond to advice or a request. In Luke 5:4-5 KJV when Jesus told Peter to let down his nets for a draught and Peter let down his net, did he really listen to what Jesus was directing him to do?

I found in my own life times where I've just heard what was spoken to me and often afterwards I've seen the vast potential that was forfeited because I didn't completely listen to what I'd heard. I'd taken that immediate zeal and moved out to accomplish what I thought needed to be done. However, on this side looking back, even though I had good intentions, I didn't see the overall picture and something was inadvertently left undone. That's when I realized I needed to see ALL of what God was saying in order to do ALL of what He said to do. So now even before I step out and just do something, I ask Him to help me to listen so that I can not only hear what's being said, I can fully act out on what was said.

Knowing that God doesn't move in my life apart from His word (or a Word from Him) has helped me to stay focused on what is being revealed to me. A year ago this time, I entered a season of great challenges: companies closing and/or downsizing, friendships being tested, hostile work environments and not having enough for basic needs. Through it all, I maintained my stance to fully listen to God's instructions. As I continued to trust God, He opened doors that I could not see. Not only that, He closed doors that I tried to go through which I later learned would not have benefited me one bit. Which brings me to my point, as long as you earnestly seek to actively listen to and participate in God's plan for your life, He won't allow you to fail.

Thank You!

Have you ever had a day where it felt like Christmas, the Fourth of July and your Birthday all rolled into one? Well, that's how I feel right now. Why? Because even though things haven't changed on the outside, I've pretty much been changed on the inside. What changed me? The Word of God. This season of my life that I'm currently in forced me to look back over my life and realize that God didn't change, my situation did. So why am I thanking you? Let me explain. . .

I was listening to a teaching series by my Pastor titled Keys to a fruitful life. In the series, he talked about how God does not give us fruit; He gives us seed. We are to take the seed and plant and cultivate it so that it grows. Well, needless to say, I was looking at the fruit of my blog audience and not the seed: Those of you who position yourself each week and take the time to read what I write. For that I say "Thank You!"  

Not only have I been blessed by what I write, I've been getting comments from You about being blessed by what you read. 

When I took my eyes off the fruit I didn't have and started concentrating on the seed I did have, my whole outlook changed. Now, I'm not just talking about my blog here. I'm talking about my life as a whole. As a result, things started changing in my favor. I now have options I couldn't see before because my focus was off. Now, I can pick and choose the way that I go because God's word has opened up avenues for me. So again, "Thank You!" for being a part of my journey, my story.

His Wife and Their Mother

My journey to becoming his wife and their mother started in 1998. I was totally on board with God's way of doing things by then. No longer was I seeking my own agenda but I wanted what and who He wanted for me. I'd been back in church about four years by then and I had begun to realize that I'd come back to church but I wasn't allowing Him to lead my life. I still wanted to do some of the things I'd done before but with His help, many of those plans failed. Now here I am, a young woman living for God and seeking a godly mate. I tell people all the time that my desire to not engage in premarital sex had nothing to do with knowing what God's word had to say on the matter. His word just happened to line up with my desire to no longer give my body to men that hadn't given themselves to me. We were totally on the same page.

I was in a church environment that allowed me to see God's plan was for me to have a husband; not just some man. But he didn't manifest in that arena. Years later, God led me to the church I attend now. At this church He opened my eyes to not only becoming a wife but also to becoming a mother. I've always wanted to have more than one child, so twins was on my mind. One day during Sunday morning service, my Pastor talked about increasing the church membership. He jokingly talked about women having more than one baby to help speed up the process. While sitting in my seat I thought, "well I want twins, that should help". Right after I had that thought my Pastor said something like "and don't just think about having twins, have five or six". There had recently been a lady at the church that had sextuplets. My immediate response was "no way am I having five or six babies". But three stuck in my mind and on that day my triplets were born. Now all I had to do was find the husband to make my dreams come true.

Needless to say, it's been a total of seventeen years and that dream has yet to come true. Not only am I using these precious days to straighten out my thinking, I've come to realize that there are some things that I want before marriage; God-centered dating. I want to date, be romanced by and get to know the man who will be my husband. I am not running out of time and everything does not have to happen quick, fast and in a hurry. I want us to grow together. Get to know one another. If we know early on, great, if not, we can continue as friends (if that's what we both want) until we are sure. I know God has already spoken and the end result will be good and very good. But now, I'm ready to Enjoy the Journey!

I can't hide much longer if I want to be found

The bible says that "He that finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord" Proverbs 18:22 NKJV

So how come I haven't been "found" yet? There are many outward reasons (many of which have absolutely nothing to do with me) I could name but what I want to talk about are those inward reasons (those things I've noticed and recognize as hindrances) that keep showing up. They are things that stop me in my tracks at the mere thought of being in a committed relationship. They are things that I usually have to talk myself from the ledge about when faced with a new relationship. What are they? Questions!

What if he's really the one? I've had plenty of experience with men who were not the one for me. So the mere thought of a man actually being the right one for me is sometimes scary. Because of failed relationships, it's actually intimidating sometimes to put aside doubts that the man I'm interested in really wants to work at making a relationship with me work. 

What if the relationship doesn't work out? The thought of having a failed relationship is just that, a thought. No one expects for their relationship not to work, but sometimes they do. This not knowing if he'll be willing to stick around to work out any differences we may have often hinders me from trying to understand exactly why he wants to leave. 

Can this really be a reality for me? Recently, I saw a newlywed couple at church. They were all over each other. It was so sweet. If she wasn't touching him, then he was touching her. You could tell that there had been a shift in their relationship from the prior times I'd seen them. Before, they were careful not to touch or bring undue attention to themselves because they were not legally married. But this time, they didn't care who saw that they held hands or embraced. Something about their relationship had changed and they didn't care who knew. In my own life, I've pondered when would I experience that change in my relationship. To go from not knowing if this would last to being absolutely sure that I'd met the right person.

I've determined that I will no longer hide behind questions that keep me from moving forward in my relationships. I want and desire to be found, therefore, I'm positioning myself to be in a place where he can truly find me: with an open heart and open mind ready to receive him into my life. To be the woman on the outside that I truly know lives on the inside: a woman who is unforgettable, loving, passionate, captivating, creative and has a witty sense of humor.

Handle with Faith

There is nothing in life that's impossible for your Faith to handle. I guess the question to ask yourself then is "am I operating in Faith?"  For years now, I've heard my friends extol the virtues of my faith. How they are pleased that I don't or won't allow anything to keep me from achieving the goals I set for myself. Little do they know that by the time they see the grand gestures that I make, they're usually the result of much debate with God. Sure, I can just up and quick my job one day. Or just go to my then Pastor and tell him I was leaving the church. And what about going to my Mom and stating that I was moving out. All results of having been before God - and in some instances for years due to fear- and finally being able to step out in Faith.

When I was 28 years old, I still lived at home with my Mom. After college, I had to find a job that would enable me to take care of myself. During that process, I realized that I was twenty-eight and knew nothing about everyday living. I had no idea where to go pay bills; other than putting everything in the mail (way before online banking). Which also means I knew nothing about my community and how to navigate (way before GPS systems) from one point to another without getting lost. The day I told my Mom I was moving out, she promptly reminded me that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself. I'd already run the idea past my sister who encouraged me to follow my heart.  A girlfriend and her husband were moving out of their apartment and she stated she would tell the leasing agent that I wanted to move in. So even though my Mom's words were meant to discourage me (she had issues of her own), I'd already been before God, seen things line up in my favor and was ready to walk by Faith.

Having been at my then church for 7 years, I could see the changes that were taking place that were not for the good of the people. Don't get me wrong, I know there is no perfect place. As my current Pastor states, "if it's perfect, then when you show up it won't be perfect any longer". We all have our own issues and if those issues aren't dealt with, they can cause much havoc on other peoples walk with God. It had gotten to the point where on Sunday's after church, I could barely get my keys in the door before I was crying out to God that what I had just experienced at church was NOT the way He meant for church to operate. By the time I'd gone to my then Pastor to let him know I was leaving, I'd already heard from God and knew that no matter what the Pastor said, I was leaving. He promptly informed me that we should fast and pray and meet on Wednesday night after bible study so he could respond to my statement. As I drove home, I told God that I'd already heard from Him and it was up to Him to inform the Pastor of what was spoken to me. That Wednesday night after bible study, the Pastor informed me that God did in fact confirm that He instructed me to leave.

I knew in January 2006 that I would be resigning from my job in August because I'd just gotten my acceptance letter to start school in the Fall. I'd been on my job for 12 years and it no longer fit me. I'd heard a teaching from my current Pastor that your life should be both rewarding and fulfilling. I knew for a fact that my job was not rewarding or fulfilling. My Mom had passed in May and by that November, I was researching my next career. Needless to say, I'd already been talking to God about a change in career at my ten year mark. One day sitting in my Hygienist chair, He spoke to me and let me know that I was able to work in Public Health: At my then job, I'd worked my way up to working with computer software. So by the time I turned in my resignation letter, no one knew my plans. But God had orchestrated the move so perfectly that I was able to take a complete year off without having to find employment so I could devote my time to my studies.

For anyone who has ever been in a marching band, I think most people are just marking time right where they are. Marking time means you are only marching in place without ever moving forward. I've learned to not allow others negative perception of their careers to influence me. I've encountered many people who work in Public Health who don't like working with people. And many people who work with computers who wish they could talk to and help people on a daily basis. It's time to exercise your Faith and position yourself to receive God's best in every area of your life.

What do you see?

Recently I read a quote on Twitter and it made me stop and think. The quote is: "All I see is the manifestation of my dreams!" (@motivationmama). Immediately, I got excited because I have Big dreams. I immediately began to share the quote with my friends and got pretty much the same reactions that I had. So, what do I see?

I see a woman who not only can relate to what some are going through but has also experienced it. I see a woman who refuses to bow down to anything and everything that comes against what she believes and desires in life. I see a woman who is not only ready but capable of walking out God's perfect plan for her life.

That being said, I see myself teaching others how to prosper according to God's word (Rhema), God's will (Logos) and God's plan (Purpose) for their lives. Walking in my authority as a believer in Christ Jesus. Living exuberantly blessed by God; in the land that He promised. Enjoying the Journey as I Possess the Land.

Life Timeline

This months theme for my art class was Life Timeline. When I first saw the flyer for the class, I thought to myself "exactly what can I put on my timeline that I haven't already obsessed over before? Will the things I include even be obtainable and am I even willing to try to obtain them now?" Needless to say, I wanted to cancel class for that night and just stay home and. . .mope.

To add to my resolve to stay home, there was a severe thunderstorm warning scheduled for that night. I'd already had a doctors appointment scheduled and it was in the same area. My plan was to stay downtown after my appointment then head to class. What do you know, not only did I get out of my appointment earlier than planned, I had almost a two hour wait before class started. Good enough reason to just go home and not come back out. And on top of that, my friend had already called earlier that morning wanting to meet and walk around the park. Ok, now this will be three times I've gone downtown today and its threatening really bad weather: so I went home.

I thought about contacting the instructor to let her know I would not make the class. But, it stopped raining. I waited to see if closer to time to leave if the rain started back; it didn't. When I got to class, I found out the timeline that we would make would consist of those highs and lows in our life that has gotten us to the point where we currently are. Funny thing is, I'd recently been thinking about those highs and lows in my life. This art project just allowed me to put visual images with the thoughts I was already having about my life. All in all, the art project for me was a success because I realized that each high and low has been a unique situation that has shaped me into the Me I am today.

Peace

A few months ago, I sent this message to my friends: "I am officially on VACATION from stress (anything that's contrary to God's will, purpose and plan for my life), worry (about my current and future job outlook) and doubt (will I really have what God says I can have?)". I truly meant that statement and I purposed to fulfill it; not just for one day but continually. That's not to say that situations have not arisen that have tried to move me from my commitment to walk in Peace.

On the contrary, not long after making the statement, EVERYTHING seemed to get out of control. I thought I'd been challenged before making the statement but soon realized that making the statement did in fact open my eyes to the realization that no matter what was going on externally, I could control my internal Peace. My job outlook looked bleak. The friends that were mad at me before I made the statement were still not talking to me. And the things I am believing God for still had not manifested.

But one day I got up and something felt different on the inside of me. I had a Peace that I couldn't explain. Those things that I'd been chasing after but never quite able to obtain didn't carry the same weight as before. It was more important for me to maintain the Peace I had than try to figure everything out for me and for others. Everyone has issues of their own to deal with but it's not up to me to take on their issues. That's why God says to cast all your cares on Him. He gave me peace about my issues, I pray that each one of them receive His peace about their issues. 

Don't Look Back

When the time comes and you are truly ready to move forward in life, that's when you begin to realize that it's not always wisest to look back at those things that hindered you or caused you pain.  Of course, we must confront the negative issues of our past in order to heal and be able to move on but to always look back on them is not conducive for healthy growth. Looking back does not always produce the needed desire to make positive changes.

Recently, I was informed of a time when I had been deliberately overlooked in participation of certain activities. Others were invited and expected to participate, however it seems I was left out on purpose. The person who chose to not include me in the activities is now deceased, therefore, I have no way of finding out if it was indeed an oversight on her part. So what do I now do with this information and this feeling of being rejected by someone I cared about?

When I was in the fifth grade, my teacher taught us the Serenity Prayer. Her husband was an alcoholic and she was attending AA meetings where she'd learned the prayer. She informed her students of what was going on with her because she wanted us to be informed and she wanted to be honest about why some days were harder for her than others. That prayer has become a part of me over the years so when I learned of this past oversight, I simply remembered that this situation is one that I cannot change. Therefore, I walked in the wisdom that when the person was alive, I believed that she cared about me and any oversight that I found out about years later will not change my belief. 

A Different World

Do you remember the series from back in the day with the above title? Well, I do and I'm enjoying watching it on Bounce TV. The part about this show that is capturing my attention now is the fact that Whitley Gilbert and Dwayne Wayne graduated and got married. From the beginning of the show, Dwayne was interested in Denise Huxtable but due to some behind the scenes (real life) issues, he ended up pursuing Whitley. Now they are married and their happily ever after turned into him not getting the coveted job with the company he interned with; and her being fired from the job that was in line with the degree she pursued. Now what? 

That's the question I found myself asking after I stepped out in faith for a career change and although I was doing what I'd trained for, the environment was so dysfunctional that complete elimination of my department was inevitable. Now I have people in my ear (as well as behind my back) saying that I "missed" God because surely, He wouldn't have me suffer through a reduction in force when I was doing what He called me to do. How do you counter such questions? A long time ago, God told me that I didn't have to defend Him: that He fights my battles. So I leave those questions alone and just ask them to pray for and with me that I'll recover all.

As with the show, life can and does hold unforeseen obstacles, challenges and trying times. But do you just give up when something happens that causes you to have to use an alternate route to get to your intended destination? Only if you don't have a vision for your life that will help you to persevere when things get hard will you give up. When you've been given a God-given vision and things don't look the way you think they should be looking, that's when you go to God and get further instructions and directions and the proposed plan of action. So, if you are familiar with the show, you know that Dwayne ultimately got hired on with the company and he and Whitley started a new life (she was also expecting a baby) in Japan. 

Just because you reach the destination does not mean that the vision is complete. God gave me a vision about my career change and I acted out on His directions. The company I worked for and the elimination of my department did not end the vision I was given. It only prepared me to be able to do more and be more effective in my next position. Through that ordeal, I learned to not become complacent just because I thought I had arrived. When you arrive at one place, it's the beginning of your journey somewhere else. Enjoy the Journey!

Who told you you were _____?

While reading the bible, in Genesis 3:11 God spoke to Adam and Eve, He asked Adam, "who told you you were naked?" I began to wonder about the things in my own life that people have told me that I've come to believe; and how I've allowed those things to affect my life. Just because someone else said it to me, doesn't make it so. Especially if it doesn't align with God's word and what He has in fact spoken to me about my life.

I also saw something in that question. God spoke to the one that he had given the instructions to even though they both were present. So no matter what someone else says about you or to you, God is holding you responsible for what He's told you. So, who told you you were useless, fat, not worthy, poor, selfish and never gonna make it? And how have you allowed those things to affect your life? 

When I became conscious of the fact that I was believing the negative things others have told me and that I was allowing those things to hinder me from progressing in life, I purposed in my heart to not accept those comments and replaced them with what I knew in my heart described me. So, I began to tell Me that I am loved, accepted, wanted, needed, beautiful, smart and sexy.

Waiting for the snow!

As I sit at home prepared for the forecasted snow that will hit our area today, I wonder what other areas of my life that I'm prepared for but have yet to see the manifestation. Sure, I've got my bread, eggs and canned goods. I've also got a movie cued up and ready for me to hit play at a moments notice. I don't have to work today (thank goodness) so no need to try to "make it in" before the snow falls. All that's seemingly left for me to do is "wait" for the snow to come.

For me, it's a holding pattern of sorts because I remember last year being stranded at my job during a snow storm for three days -by myself! You should see the after pictures I took of myself. Sure, the snow had been forecasted that time as well, however, the storm moved in much quicker than expected and basically brought everything to a standstill. We were not ready for so much snow in such a short time frame. I wonder if it's that way with the things I am believing God for in my life. That even though I am prepared and ready for manifestation, other areas (or people) are not yet equipped (or prepared) to handle what has been forecasted.

As I write, I'm encouraged to know that just like this forecasted snow storm, the things I desire in my life have also been forecasted; in God's written and Rhema words to me. I trust Him to keep me from being stranded and not benefiting from His promises to me. I believe He can and will prepare the way that all involved with me receiving His manifested promises are fully equipped to handle each and every blessing. So in my life as well as with this forecasted snow storm, I am ready to receive. 

Life

I was thinking about my life on my ride in to work today and I had to stop and laugh. I laughed because right now at this moment in my life, I am exactly where I wanted to be 30 years ago. Coincidence? I think not. I want to believe it's the chance that I thought was taken away from me so long ago due to inexperience. 

As a young person, I knew what I wanted to "do" with my life. Sure, it wasn't to be the first to conquer this or build that, but it was what was on the inside of me that I thought would make me happy. But as I stated, I didn't get the chance to pursue what I wanted. Therefore, I pursued the desires of others: I went to the college that others said would benefit me ( I'm not complaining, I learned a lot and met some really nice people). I dated the guys my girlfriends said would be good for me (on this one, I'm usually right and I'm determined to date who I like!). And I kept quiet when others said "don't rock the boat" ( I'm no longer in the boat, I'm walking on water). 

I have a friend who is a minister that taught that we should acknowledge God and let Him direct our paths. That if we consult Him when we are young (if you aren't as young as you used to be, that's ok too) and don't know which direction to take, He can keep us from going down so many paths in life that cause us frustration and heartache. I guess today I really thought about what my life would be like if I'd known how to truly submit my ways to God at a young age and stand in faith believing Him to make my dreams come true. 

On this side looking back, I know I can be much farther along than I am now. But knowing God and His ways the way I do now, I know that He can redeem the time and not just catch me up to where I should have been but He will far exceed my expectations and take me farther than I ever thought I could go. I want to encourage each and every one of you to know that where you are right now is no surprise to God. In some cases it may be a surprise to you (I think that's why I laughed) but don't give up because a life that is both fulfilling and rewarding awaits you as you Enjoy the Journey!

Happy Valentine's Day!

For those of you who have that special someone to spend the day with, please don't take it lightly. It almost reminds me of Christmas. How so many take that one day to shower the people in their lives with gifts when they should be generous all year long. For some, this day may be the only day they will get flowers or candy or even words of love and affirmation. Hopefully in your case, this is not so.

For those of you who do not have that special someone to spend the day with, please don't take it lightly. Just because there's no one there to call your own, doesn't mean there is no one to call. It reminds me of the person who has lost a significant loved one.  How so many take for granted the other people who are still alive and wanting not only to comfort them but be comforted by them. Hopefully in your case, this is not so. 

No matter which group you may fall in, this day is a day of love. The best way to get what you want is to give what you want. So if you want flowers, candy, words of love, affirmation and comfort, give those things to the people in your life. A phone call or card may work wonders for that person that's been on your mind lately. Just like you've been thinking about someone, someone has been thinking about you. It's all in the way you look at it. So here's a little poem from me to you:

Happy Valentine's Day

As you take the time to celebrate

Your wife, your husband or even your Boo

Remember just how much your Heavenly Father 

Gave to prove His love for you

Do you have Hope?

As a Believer, we are never without Hope (refer to sermon teaching Feel like Quitting, subtopic "Hope -Anchor of the Soul" on www.Faithchapel.net). However, there are times and situations that just have you at a place of puzzlement. These are the times when you really have to hold on to your Hope. Over the years, I've experienced such times and dare I say that right now, I'm experiencing such a time.

After listening to the sermon message and then receiving my verse for today (Philippians 4:6-7 MSG), I realized that I was more focused on the situation not turning out the way I'd hoped. Why? Because of past experiences. I know that in Christ I have the victory but my past experiences have taught me that those victories have come with great struggle. So I've prepared for the struggle during this trying time in my life. I'm ready to stand my ground and refuse to be moved because I'm used to opposition. From my past it appears that others have been allowed to move me to fit their best advantage. That I've only gotten to a certain place because they wanted me there. Now as I face this situation and realize that I don't want to be where they want to put me, what recourse do I have?

When I look at the people (or situations) in my life that act opposite to what I am believing God for, I tend to justify that their actions may supersede God's plan for my life. Thing is, I really know God's plan because when I decided to make these changes in my life, I consulted Him. I moved out on His instructions. It doesn't matter how many times others tell me what they think I should be doing, my purpose is to do what God directed. That's when I'm the most happiest. Now that I am assured that I am never without Hope, I've already prayed twice today and I've only been awake for three hours. That just shows me how much the situation has really been weighing on my mind. The difference this time is that I've purposed to work the Word so that I may experience sweat-less victory as I Enjoy the Journey! 

Listen to Your body.. .

It knows what it needs to be healthy. Over a year ago, I went to a new doctor due to a change in insurance. She gave me a 10-lb weight loss goal to be met by my next office visit. Only thing is, I've been trying to lose weight, with no significant success, for years now. I really liked this doctor because she related to me as an individual and not a statistic. I was motivated to shed the weight but where do I begin?

I'd already taken the first step by going to see the doctor and actively discussing weight loss options: portion control, exercise and medications if needed. But what really "turned the light on" for me was the checkout form they give you as you leave. I read the examination notes and noticed terminology that wasn't expressly mentioned during our visit. To find out its meaning, I Googled it! Then I Googled books about its symptoms. This led me to a book by Jorge Cruise titled "Belly Fat Cure". I took the principles in the book - mostly because I like to eat what I like rather than preset meals - and applied them to the foods I would eat. At my next doctor's appointment, I'd lost eight out of the 10 pounds.  

With this new weight loss, I was motivated to do more, but what? One day at work, I was reading a Nursing magazine article that talked about an app that helps beginner runners train and complete their first 5K. The app is called Couch to 5K*. I've always wanted to run and now I've found an app that not only motivates me to run but prepares me to run a 5K. I'm now in my 6th week of an eight week program and I'm loving it. I'm motivated to walk/run every other day. It feels like a natural part of my day and not a grueling work out session. All in all, I've listened to my body in two different ways concerning making lasting and healthy lifestyle changes. I'm not only excited, I'm Enjoying the Journey! 

*The app I use is called 5K Runner

Dear No One

There's a song with the above title sung by Tori Kelly and I think it's a pretty nice song. I especially like the premise of the song -she's singing to the man who is not yet in her life. So I decided to write to the man who is not yet in my life. What prompted me to write - cause you know I've been thinking about it a while - even though I've never felt comfortable enough to actually put in words what I feel on the inside? That song plus the fact that I'm also reading a book that really hit close to home for me emotionally. I won't name the book because I want you to be free enough to explore what's on the inside of you rather than limit this experience to what's on the inside of me. I want us all healthy, whole and complete in Christ.

The premise of the book is this: the lady knows her weaknesses and shortcomings and is willing to do what it takes to overcome this brokenness. In the process of getting her life together, she meets a man who essentially has similar weaknesses and shortcomings. He to has learned how to deal with his brokenness and as a result is able to more effectively relate to her. To outsiders looking in, it appears that a relationship between the two of them wouldn't work. However, because they are so in tune with their own flaws, they can recognize the limitations of the other person and is there to offer support when needed. That's what I realized has been lacking in the dating relationships in my life. I haven't met a man who understands the heart of me. Or one willing to take the time necessary to find out what makes me me. 

Dear No One, this is your love song:

Sometimes, I need someone who is strong

Who will be there for me even when I'm wrong

Cause his love for me won't let me stand alone

Sometimes, I want someone who understands

My need to always have a plan

Doesn't take away the fact that he's my man

Sometimes, I want someone who really cares

To hold my hand, keep me close, willing to share

Cause his love for me will always be there

Sometimes, I want someone I can love

Give him lots of kisses and many many hugs

Cause my love for him is sent from God above

. . . in well doing*

If you know the missing words from the beginning of my title, then I can almost guarantee that you think you know where this message is going. Over the years, I've grown to not like this passage so much. Why? Because of the missing words. From the first time I heard Joyce Meyer teach on this passage of scripture, my focus has been on the beginning words. It seems like I would always be given this passage as encouragement during my weary phase. I didn't want to hear about NOT being weary, I wanted to hear how to Reap. Even still, over the years, I just never saw the connection.

However, just recently, I actually SAW the meaning of those three words in my life: In well doing. My Pastor is currently teaching on discouragement and from his teaching last week, I actually SAW "in well doing" active in my life just as clearly as he spoke. 

It's true meaning is that the weariness doesn't come unless you are "in well doing". I had a situation to come up where I know God told me one thing but my circumstances told me another. I'd decided to believe God and made plans to celebrate. In the process of getting things ready, the plans I'd made had to suddenly be altered; I had to come up with a Plan B. So I did. But before I could execute Plan B, I determined to follow through with my original plans. Sure, it was gonna take a little extra time and effort on my part but I'm worth it. I stayed my original course and as a result was able to encourage someone else who's experiencing some of the things I'm going though. 

I don't know about you, but I'm determined that 2015 will be the year that I Reap because I certainly do not plan to faint. Just making the decision to stay the course I'd planned as a result of hearing from God has opened my eyes to see how I've been moved to receive less than what He has planned for me at other times in my life. In essence I'm saying to you, don't be moved my what you see, hear or even think. Your situation is subject to change. Don't settle for Plan B just because an obstacle presents itself right in front of your original Plan. Stay focused and determined to get full manifestation through positive change (working your original plan in a different way) in order to receive ALL that God has for you. It took me a while to get here but I'm here now and so glad about it. Just because I've been delayed doesn't mean I've been denied. And the biggest part of positive change is being able to see the other side -and I couldn't always see the other side for looking at what stopped me in the first place. 

*Galatians 6:9

Take time for YOU!

People have often been asked, "what's the one thing you would do if money wasn't an issue?" We all can come up with several things we would do. But what would you do if YOU weren't the issue? Meaning, if you stopped worrying about the things you didn't have and started using the things you do?" Would you put together the meal where you took the time to clip the recipe from a magazine? Would you finally make the greeting card using the craft scissors you bought? Or would you just throw yourself a birthday party cause it's your birthday? All of those things mentioned only need one person to get started and that's YOU! Why wait? 

Take time for YOU! I know my value and my worth but am I truly responsive to my own needs. Take for instance this scenario; a co worker got a transfer to another department. I've already informed her of our "date" to celebrate her new position. I've already planned to take her out to eat and get a card and have everyone sign it. I've thought about what she will need to make her last day in our department enjoyable. But what about me? My Doctor gave me a 10-pound weight loss goal to be met by my next visit. When I went back and I'd lost eight out of the ten pounds, what did I do? Watched my Doctor dance in her office cause she was proud of me. When all I could think was "I didn't lose all 10!" Why couldn't I just take the time out with my Doctor and celebrate what I did achieve? I needed to know that I was proud of me too. 

This New Year, I've purposed in my heart to take time for ME! Why don't you purpose to take time for YOU! Only you know what things are needed to encourage, inspire and uplift you, so do those things. I'm not saying be selfish and forget about others. What I am saying is to include YOU in your thoughts. Sometimes, only you know what you need. And who better to give you what you want. Go ahead, schedule that art class you want to take. Create a playlist that you dance to every night. Turn off the ringers on all the phones in the house and get a good nap. Buy yourself a birthday card. . .you just might be surprised by how you feel about yourself. Enjoy the Journey!

Facing the Giants

It's a New Year and I've purposed to engage life to the fullest for 2015. No more "waiting" for "it" to happen. Over the Holidays, I watched the movie Facing the Giants and I cried and cried and cried. Then I cried some more. I could relate to just about every character in the movie. In one way or another, I was dealing or have dealt with each issue they were dealing with. And when I looked at my life, it seems I keep coming up short. On Tuesday my best friend emailed me wanting to know if I was prepared for marriage and children in 2015. When I emailed her my response, this was her reply, "That's a lot of what if's. It may be that you want it too neat and orderly. Have you taken notice of children that may need you - Big brother big sister? I know you may not be ready for adoption. Don't you dare let 2015 see you crying unless you're saying goodbye to your what if's and hello to your what's next. Be that dynamic person and get out there. GO GO GIRL GO! Switch it up, flip it over, look at it upside down. I hope great things for you this year."

Have you ever watched the movie Facing the Giants? I purchased the movie in 2010, however, it's still relevant to my life today. Because no matter the season you are in right now, there will come a time when you will face Giants in your life. Those Giants will do whatever it takes to make you think you will be defeated 'this time'. There's a part in the movie during the Championship game when the opposing team comes out on the field. As they broke the banner, the players kept coming and coming and coming. Even the announcer commented that they had so many members on their team that they could play a new team each quarter. Sometimes, that's the way life make you feel: Like things keep coming at you and you wonder when will it ever stop. I realized over this Holiday season that no matter how many new players (tests, trials and temptations) come into my game of life, I'm still on the winning team! 

So, this is my response to my best friends email, "I'm just processing 2014 and refuse to take anything or anyone into 2015 that doesn't want to be with me. When I truly let go of the people that don't want to be a part of my life, I can receive the people that do." I also have another good friend that I receive advice from and this is my response to her similar question, "I'm going to start leading more with my head rather than my heart. I've got to realize that some people don't want me in their lives and/or they don't want to change their ways. That doesn't make them bad people, just people I can't allow to stop me from reaching my destiny. When I get THERE, I will definitely offer them a hand up if they should choose to take it at that time." Sure, facing your Giants can be daunting, and as long as you keep looking at them as they come onto your field, you will never see your potential to WIN!