I remember being told by my friend what the guy I liked told her he thought about me. He thought I wasn't "loud" enough to be in his life. Exactly what does that mean? He considered himself to be a player (I guess) and that any woman that was with him should want to be seen. Well, I didn't like to be seen. I was just as happy being in the background rather than out front and on display. But because I really liked this guy, I tried being "loud". Only problem is, he still didn't treat me any better or make me feel loved.
That being said, I often found myself in other relationships waiting to get the guys opinion of me to determine which Me would be in the relationship. Surely I would meet and be able to keep the guy who wanted me to be or act a certain way. Over time, I began to realize that I didn't even know who I was any longer. So how could I give myself wholeheartedly to someone when I didn't even recognize myself?
Now that I know who I am and what I want, I intend to stay focused (my actions and words lining up with my expectations) in order to receive the man of my dreams. Lately I had been wondering if I was making a mistake to stay true to my feelings and not deviate (settle for less) from what I desire in order to be in a relationship. However, it has become apparently clear that I am determined to have the kind of relationship and mate that I desire (every opportunity presented I weigh the options) and realize that to deviate would only gain me less than my true desires.
