Cause that’s not all I know

I’m crying as I write this because it’s been weighing heavy on my heart for the past five days. So I decided to speak now or forever hold my peace. There’s an image that I can’t unsee and thoughts that I can’t “unthink” that have been on replay this whole time. Let’s begin with the thoughts. 

I left work early yesterday for a doctors appointment. Mind you, I’d just been there two weeks ago but today “felt” different. No, I’m not sick - thanks for being concerned. Just needed to follow up with another doctor. But this is what happened: as I was going in, I spoke to a Black lady who spoke back. My first thought was “that’s what Normal people do, they speak back.” But then I thought of the White lady at work who no matter how many times you speak to her, she won’t speak back. What she will do is mutter something under her breath, growl -yes, I’ve been growled at several times. Or she’ll even jump back as if you’re about to assault her. 

As I’m leaving the doctors appointment, a young White lady speaks to me. As I’m heading to my car, an older White man speaks to me. What?! two in a row, what’s going on. Remember, I said I was just there two weeks ago and I spoke but no one spoke back. I decide to go to a big-box store before going home. There, a White couple speaks to me -both of them, not just her. Now I know something is going on. The only thing that comes to mind for this “change” is the image that I can’t unsee. 

Let’s talk about the image. It’s nearing the end of 2018 and a young Black man was killed at a local mall during Black Friday. There were a lot of White suits that showed up at work yesterday and I figured it had to do with the way things were going to be handled with the death of this Black man. My coworker showed me the image of him that was posted on Social Media. No mother should EVER have to carry around that image of her child...EVER! Now I think I know the reason for the change. I think these White people speaking to me shows that there are White people who feel the pain and understand the hurt that racial profiling is causing in our State. 

Then why am I crying? Because all day yesterday and even as I write this, I told my Father God that “I don’t like this (the death of that young Black man) and something has got to change.” I’m not crying because a few White people spoke to me -cause that’s not ALL I know. I’ve had White people in my life ALL my life. And here recently, I’ve had White people in my life whose birth certificates say they are as Black as I am. I’m crying because this Thanksgiving as God was reconciling me and my family and we were Enjoying each other’s company over food, games and fellowship, a Black mother lost her son who was out trying to get a Black Friday deal. 

Listen to me speak. I think that as long as we continue to leave our homes on Thanksgiving Day looking for a “sale” that can easily take place over the whole Holiday season, then commercialism will continue to allow us to be killed for no other reason than we allow it #IdontdoBlackFriday. I’ve come to a place in my life where people are more important to me than the things I can buy at the mall on One particular day. 

As for the platform of Social Media that was created so we could “speak” to each other digitally, it is now being used to assault not only peoples minds but their spirits. Therefore, I speak Peace to You: Nothing missing and nothing lacking. For those who don’t recognize what should NOT be posted or are only posting negative images in hopes of monetary gain, I pray you realize that Jesus paid the ultimate price for you. There really is no hurt that Jesus is not able to heal #letsdoSocialMediaright. If you can’t or won’t “speak” positively -especially when online, then DON’T. 

In the Moment

Now that my life seems to be on track and headed in the right direction, I’ve purposed in my heart to take the time to Live in the Moment each and every day. For years, worry, stress and fear dominated my life to the point where I was just trying to survive each moment - I had no time for trying to Enjoy it. But things have truly changed for the good in my life now. 

I no longer have to be in control-or appear to have control over everything and everybody. When the music is playing, I’m dancing. When the song is being song, I’m singing (this is especially true at church). And when Life is happening, I’m living! I don’t let what others think I should or should not be doing stop me from living the life I want. 

To be perfectly honest, I could have been living this “in the moment” lifestyle long before now; but I’m not so sure I was really ready to be this “independent” of what others thought before now. For so long I wanted so desperately to “belong” that the more I tried to hold on to people and things, the harder it seemed that I was able to hold on to them. 

So now that I’m Living in the Moment, I’m ok with being misunderstood about why I’m not taking pictures at the party. But rather I am Enjoying myself talking to others, eating good food and being Present enough to make lasting memories. It doesn’t bother me now when others want to know why I don’t attend a particular event because in the past I’ve “always” attended the event. I’ve decided that Dave Ramsey’s motto has become one that I fully intend to embrace: Live like no one else so later I can live like no one else. 

Ah Man!

On my Journey to Debt Freedom, I’ve experienced several Ah Man! moments and today I want to encourage you on your journey- whatever that may be, for when you experience your Ah Man! moment(s). In case you’re wondering, an Ah Man! moment is every time something comes against you reaching the goal you’re trying to achieve. Ah Man! is not your first choice of words you’d like to utter when these situations arise. However, by the time you get to the point of declaring Ah Man! you know it’s in your best interest to keep your words pure, your heart clean and your mind stayed on the outcome you desire. 

Let’s look at my most recent experience with Ah Man!  Here I am excited about becoming debt free so that I can experience a lifestyle beyond my wildest dreams. I’m budgeting, paying off debt and telling everyone I know about the benefits of truly being debt free. So when the toilet breaks, the kitchen sink leaks and my money won’t add up, I go to God and ask Him to show me why I shouldn’t give up. Now that I’ve got Gods wisdom, I dealt with the irritability, handled those situations and got my budget back on track ready to take down debt once and for all. I started working overtime only to not be paid for all the overtime I worked. Being informed that the difference would be on my next  paycheck, I waited two more weeks only to be paid at straight time. The only thing I could say was Ah Man!

So here I am encouraging you on your journey and the moment(s) you meet Ah Man! If you’ve gone to God and you know He’s got your back no matter what, these moments are just a test of your faith and belief in what God said to you. I’ve learned that I have to trust God no matter what the situation looks like. In every case, when it looked like I would fail or some need would go unmet, God always had enough provision available for me to cover every need. Sure, my Journey to Debt Freedom is slower than I would have liked for it to be but then this Ah Man! moment of pause has afforded me the opportunity to encourage you. 

Because I know that I’m not the only one experiencing Ah Man! moments, I wrote this just for you:

While you’re on your Journey 

Here’s one thing I can say

Keep your eyes on God at every step

He’ll help you find your way

While you’re on your Journey

Here’s one thing you should know

It’s gonna start small but in God’s hands

Watch it grow and grow and grow!

If you never start at the beginning, you’ll never get to The End! 

Enjoy the Journey! 

I’m so Irritated!

I know it’s just an attack to take my focus and blur my vision of the future I’m planning. Little things have been irritating me since last week and now I’m at the point where I just want to scream...Ugh! I’m no longer willing to wait it out; wait for the attacks to end. I’m declaring and decreeing right now that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. 

People have been saying whatever they want to me and I’m no longer keeping quiet trying to “keep the peace”. If what’s being said doesn’t line up with your actions, I’m calling you on it. Don’t tell me you want change and when an opportunity is presented for you to be that change agent, DO NOT revert to your old ways and expect me to not say something. I’m finally seeing how that hinders me in my own life and keeping quiet with you is what I used to do. 

These little things that I’ve been seeing in other people that has been causing the irritation in my life is the evidence that I needed in order to see that I’m truly making a change for the better in my life. It’s apparent that I’m no longer going with the flow and in the process the butting of heads with those who only talk change but are unwilling to walk in that change is what has been causing the friction.

Colossians Chapter 3 in the Message Bible really brought home to me what my stance should be and why I shouldn’t entertain irritability in my life. Being irritated was part of the old way in which I used to process circumstances and situations, however, being in Christ now affords me the ability to stand firm in my decisions and not allow the “little things” that have no part in my destiny to influence my life. Just that adjustment not only cleared my vision but brought into focus what’s truly important in my life right now: Debt Freedom. 

Galatians 6:9

Oh how I hated this verse of scripture. I didn’t want to read it and I definitely didn’t want to hear it. I remember so clearly when I started to consistently hear it and the turmoil I felt on the inside because 1: I was fairly new at living a Christian lifestyle and 2: Surely it would look bad if I didn’t like all of God’s Word. Joyce Meyer made it her personal business to quote the scripture every time I watched her on TBN.  Since I liked her ministry, I would grin and bear it all the while thinking to myself “yeah Joyce, that one doesn’t work.”

You may be wondering why would I hate a particular verse of scripture. And especially one that promises a great return on my investment. The thing is, my walk into a Christian lifestyle came at the cost of leaving the only lifestyle I’d ever known: dysfunction. This verse promises that I’d reap a harvest at some point called due season. Well, I was at my limit of holding out hope that I’d ever have a due season. No matter how much I tried to keep the peace within my family because of their arguments amongst each other, I would still be overlooked, left out and even not considered when they came together as a family unit. 

The weight of the change they would have to make seemed greater than the promise held in that scripture. I was constantly looking at how much they weren’t changing but I never fully realized that in fact it was me that was being changed. I started writing this post months ago because I sensed that there was a “due season” happening in my family. I put it on the waitlist because even then though I had a level of expectation, I couldn’t seem to find the words. 

It’s now the day after I’ve witnessed the dynamics changing from a nineteen year “rift” in my family to what looks to be the beginning stages of restoration. Only God can take what seemed like an impossibility in my family life and bring all the broken, complicated and bruised pieces back together to create a thriving, functioning unit. There truly is a due season if you do not give up. 

Galatians 6:9 NIV Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 

Calling ALL Partners

POE Update ...As I neared the launch date for Paths of Encouragement, I had a vision that the response would be overwhelming.   That by now I would be utilizing the help of my friends to navigate through all the email submissions that would come pouring in. The closer the launch date got the more it appeared POE would not make it past the few submissions that I’d already gotten. 

Instead of looking at the circumstances, I went to God on behalf of this new segment of My Journey My Story and He spoke to me. He told me that those who partnered with Him would be willing to submit a post. I’m grateful to the people who heard the call and submitted a post for Paths of Encouragement. However, I’ve experienced from talking with some that not everyone has come into their own as a writer but would be willing to partner financially. 

It pleases me to announce that you may now give to Paths of Encouragement financially through PayPal at poesubmissions@gmail.com. The benefits of me partnering with God in order to Encourage His people has now opened up an avenue for You to partner in more than one way. I look forward to not only receiving your blog submissions but your financial support as well. 

If I knew then...

Finally, my life seems to have the meaning I’ve been trying to give to it for what seems like my whole life. Thing is, those things I was doing I was doing out of order; without seeking God first. The more I tried to make my dating relationships work, make more money so my ends would meet and hold on to some form of family connection, the worse things got. No matter how hard I tried, prayed or even withdrew into myself, nothing worked. 

Not until I let go and let God. I know, I know, that’s religious speak and you’re not interested in hearing it. But hear me out anyway. Like you, I’ve never been a bad person so I could never figure out why things never seemed to work out for me. After I was born again, things started looking up and it looked like my plans would succeed. Then I started to grow up spiritually and things seemed to start getting harder to handle; because I was handling them on my own. 

I was expected to know how to handle situations that I didn’t have a clue about -let alone taught anything about. How could I have a healthy dating relationship when I didn’t know any couples who hadn’t dealt with infidelity in their relationship. As for making more money, I didn’t even have a clue as to what to do with the money I did make. And as my siblings and I grew older, their relationships with each other deteriorated thereby further widening the gap between them and me; because I’d grown up with their kids. 

So if I knew then what I know now, I would have taken more time out to get to know the real me: The one who really wants to help others. So that I’d know which boundaries needed to be in place in order to protect my heart. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to worry so much and not ask for help. But then when you lack boundaries, you feel like you can’t trust that when you do ask for help, it won’t be broadcasted to make you look bad. And I definitely would have found out the true meaning of love before I gave all mine away when only the barest hint of interest was shown. To truly know that love is a choice and that I also have a right to say no especially when no is the answer I want to give. And the only way to really know these things is to be in daily fellowship with the One who created me in the first place: Almighty God. 

Dive in!

My Pastor is doing a sermon teaching on Change: How to stay Relevant in a changing world (part 6). Today he gave 3 stages of change: Debate and Decision, Dead Zone and Dive In. I am gratefully in the Dive In stage and I’m loving it. This stage has reaffirmed my decision to get out and stay out of debt for life. 

For me, the Debate and Decision stage was all about me determining whether or not I would still use credit cards. This time when the bottom fell out, I’d only had one credit card that I used. But now that was no longer an option. With a growing pile of credit card offers arriving in my mail each day, a decision had to be made. Even though I was still in debt, do I open a new credit card account creating more debt when I was trying to get out of debt?

Decision made, I quickly entered the Dead Zone. With no credit card available as my emergency catch-all, things started to happen. The previous blogs detail a few of those things but the point I’m making is that the Dead Zone made me feel like I’d made the wrong choice. That maybe I should have gotten another card “just in case”.  Then I wouldn’t have had the added stress of wondering if I would be able to get this fixed or pay for that. All in all, I’m glad I decided to not get another credit card. 

When your vision is clear, you can Dive In without hesitation. Now that this was fixed and that was paid for and it was all done without creating more debt, I’m even more motivated to continue my Journey to Debt Freedom. I have new hopes and dreams and plans for a bright and prosperous future. Even creating a budget has become a thing I like to do because I now truly know where my money goes -because it was planned in the budget. If I can motivate you to do just one thing, it would be to ask God to show you what “step” you need to make towards your own Journey to Debt Freedom. Enjoy the Journey!

Even Death

What do you do when everyday life happens while you’re on the road to debt freedom? Your budget is made, you’ve already had to readjust it due to an unforeseen emergency (a real one this time) and now you’re ready to execute. But in the midst of all that, your coworker experiences a death in the family. Now that wasn’t on my budget. 

I don’t know about you but where I’m from, it’s common practice that you give to the person “experiencing the loss” during this time. I don’t mind giving and I want to give but right now it’s not reasonable to try to adjust an already to the limit budget that for all intents and purposes had been executed before I was asked to give. In other words, the creditors have been paid and the budget is at zero. 

What did I do? I signed the card and explained to the person taking up the money that I didn’t have money to give right now. What I was able to give though were words of Encouragement in the card. And since this person had been dealing with the reality of a loss for months beforehand, I’d been praying for the person (and family) and allowing the person to talk (vent) their feelings about what they were going through. 

This situation taught me that even death may try to take you “off budget”. But it showed me that living a debt free life is the best choice in how I live my life. When Life happens, I want and plan to be able to respond in a life-giving fashion simply because I’m not bound by debt. The choice is yours to make for your own Life. 

Takeoff!

Walking in to work one morning, I saw an airplane that had recently taken off and was steadily ascending in the sky. I watched it climbing higher and higher until it passed over my building and then I went inside. I had this sense of wonderment come over me as if I should receive something from what I’d just witnessed. I did! I got a Word and soon sent the following text to my friends:

Follow me if you're in the spirit... it's time to TAKEOFF!

The day has come when your paycheck will only be used for Sowing Saving and Spending-no debts allowed!!!

I could clearly see what my next step was to be in my Journey to debt freedom. To climb higher than the situations, test, trials and temptations that were coming my way. To rise to a new level in my thinking if I truly wanted to become and stay debt free for life. I soon sent this second text of the day to my friends:

I've stopped worrying about money; e.g. bills being paid, toilets running over, refrigerator repairs and the like. Why? Because multimillionaires don't worry about money. I can't wait until I get there to stop worrying. I have to learn how to not worry about money before I become a multimillionaire. How do I do that? Make a budget and stick to it. When situations arise before I can implement the budget (believe me, they will), I refuse to worry about it. I pray then adjust the budget accordingly - trusting God to provide the difference. 

This revelation grounded me so much so that I now know challenges will no longer be a source of dread in my life. But a stepping stone for me to become more creative (as I reroute and readjust), confident (as I lean more to becoming a problem solver) and cool (as I realize that with God on my side I am truly unstoppable). I don’t have personal experience of making a plane stay in the air, but it does. And since witnessing one Takeoff and stay in the air, I’m even more determined to just take God at His Word that if I plan my way, He’ll direct my steps. 

Vision

I went to see the play the Color Purple with a group of ladies who are some awesome women in their fields. Also saw a few older women that we knew from church. After the play we were all taking group pictures and pictures with the cast when the spirit of intimidation tried to overtake me. Telling me that I was a fraud and if these women knew my money "issues" they would be ashamed to be seen with me. I rebuked that thought and in my car on the way home, I rejoiced!

Why? If God brought me in the room, He has prepared me for what's in the room. I’m on my own personal Journey to Debt Freedom and God put me right in the midst of women who can not only motivate but inspire me on this Journey. These ladies that I spent the afternoon with are women who look like me but have what those who don’t look like me have. They have titles, influence and money. On top of that they are loving, kind and generous. 

I’m not gonna lie and say I wasn’t excited about being surrounded by so many influential women of color (wait til I tell my regular friends who I hung out with). But I had to get angry when that spirit tried to make me cower in a corner because I dared to dream that one day I would be just as and even more influential and wealthy as them. These women were the picture of what my future can and should look like. They were my inspiration to take God at His Word that I can have, be and do anything that I set my mind to do. 

This situation made me look at the way I valued myself. Was my value system based on presenting myself as a person who’s lifestyle mirrored that of others; whether I had plenty of money in the bank or even because people knew me. I am at a place now where I see myself as healthy and whole and it doesn’t matter how much money I do or do not have at present. I was surrounded by women of color who wanted to spend time with each other regardless of what the other person did or did not have. I count that as a Win!

Confirmation

I recently read Dave Ramsey’s book Total Money Makeover and determined in my heart that this time I would get out and STAY out of debt. He didn’t say anything new that I hadn’t already heard. What he did was confirm the direction that I’d purposed to take. He showed me “Baby Steps” to getting out and staying out of debt. 

You have to GUARD your budget and stay focused on your vision of becoming debt free. Because things will happen to try to throw you off. I had an amount to add to a baby shower gift card that we were giving to one of our teammates and I also had an amount that I budgeted for myself. Got to the venue and the other ladies were putting in the card the amount of money that I had budgeted for the gift PLUS the amount I had for myself. What to do? Do I give the money I had for myself too so that I can put in as much as some of the others? Which means I'll probably end up going into my emergency fund so that I can have money in my pocket. Or do I just go without? 

Taking a moment to walk and think the situation through in my head, I walked down the hall talking to myself saying "I'm no longer giving my last and going without especially when I've already budgeted an amount to give in the first place. And having to get money from my emergency fund for a baby shower gift is NOT an emergency". So I went to the person who was receiving the money and gave her the amount that I originally budgeted to give for the gift AND I still had my money in my pocket. I am determined to be Debt Free for Life!

This situation forced me to look at the way I made decisions and analyze why I would change directions even though a decision (in this case budget) was already made. Whether I was going along with everyone else trying to fit in even if my participation was a hardship on me or whether it was something that I really wanted to do. I ultimately had to decide if I wanted to stay focused on my commitment I’d just made to make and stick with a budget. And in this case, my desire to be debt free won out over giving an amount over my budgeted amount just because everyone else was doing it. 

What 2017 did not know

At the beginning of 2017 my hopes were high that “this year” all would be right in my world. I would finally get my finances on track. Finally lose the extra weight that didn’t seem to want to leave me. And  most importantly, I’d finally meet and marry (ok, I’ll accept getting engaged to) the man of my dreams. But 2017 had a plan all of its own. 

2017 was the most challenging year of my life. When I say I was tested in every area of my life, believe me. As soon as I overcame one challenge, another one was right there with as much or more force than the last. 2017 literally came and tried to bring me to my knees. Even though the challenges were difficult, what bringing me to my knees did was keep me focused on the fact that with God on my side, I am more than a conqueror. 

When my finances failed and it looked like I wouldn’t make it, I knew that my God would provide for me. I asked Him to show me how to live off what I had. When faced with health issues right in the middle of trying to eat healthier for weight loss, I remembered the other times God has brought me through health issues and scares. And when the relationship(s) I wanted didn’t work out the way I thought, God provided other avenues of support and companionship.

What 2017 did not know was that in the midst of all the challenges I was going through, bringing me to my knees positioned me to where I was building my faith for a future that’s brighter, bigger and even more rewarding than what I’d originally planned for 2017. With this New Year - 2018, the possibilities are endless and I’m determined to Enjoy the Journey!