Finally, my life seems to have the meaning I’ve been trying to give to it for what seems like my whole life. Thing is, those things I was doing I was doing out of order; without seeking God first. The more I tried to make my dating relationships work, make more money so my ends would meet and hold on to some form of family connection, the worse things got. No matter how hard I tried, prayed or even withdrew into myself, nothing worked.
Not until I let go and let God. I know, I know, that’s religious speak and you’re not interested in hearing it. But hear me out anyway. Like you, I’ve never been a bad person so I could never figure out why things never seemed to work out for me. After I was born again, things started looking up and it looked like my plans would succeed. Then I started to grow up spiritually and things seemed to start getting harder to handle; because I was handling them on my own.
I was expected to know how to handle situations that I didn’t have a clue about -let alone taught anything about. How could I have a healthy dating relationship when I didn’t know any couples who hadn’t dealt with infidelity in their relationship. As for making more money, I didn’t even have a clue as to what to do with the money I did make. And as my siblings and I grew older, their relationships with each other deteriorated thereby further widening the gap between them and me; because I’d grown up with their kids.
So if I knew then what I know now, I would have taken more time out to get to know the real me: The one who really wants to help others. So that I’d know which boundaries needed to be in place in order to protect my heart. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to worry so much and not ask for help. But then when you lack boundaries, you feel like you can’t trust that when you do ask for help, it won’t be broadcasted to make you look bad. And I definitely would have found out the true meaning of love before I gave all mine away when only the barest hint of interest was shown. To truly know that love is a choice and that I also have a right to say no especially when no is the answer I want to give. And the only way to really know these things is to be in daily fellowship with the One who created me in the first place: Almighty God.
