For so long I've had to deal with the misconception that "something was wrong with me". I mean, why else would I not be married by now with a house full of children? If desire was the only ingredient then I'd be well stocked for this to have happened. Only thing is, it takes more than desire to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Just because I want it to happen doesn't mean that it will automatically happen.
Lately I've been reading historical fiction books dealing with mail-order brides. This one book I read, the lady answered the man's request for a bride and when she traveled to him, he rejected her. I mean come on dude, you pretty much have told the world that you can't get a woman on your own so you have to "send off" for one and when she comes, you reject her. That's the way I viewed my time with online dating. Here I was in an environment that should be conducive to bringing people together where it should be easier to get to know one another. A place where it should be easier to open up and reveal yourself so that the other person can get to know the real you; and all I came across were guys who weren't willing to reveal anything at all.
I'm Thankful for my time with online dating, I'm Thankful for my time reading the historical fiction books but I'm most Thankful for the change on the inside of me that has taken place. I no longer feel that there is something wrong with me. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I am worth waiting for, finding and pursuing. I've grown over the year and a half that I've been on the online dating site and now I'm ready for the "REAL" world of dating. When I first got on the site, I still operated by my old mindset that he had to "be" a certain way for me to enter a relationship with him. However, after having interacted with these men, I realize that what I thought I needed OF a man (looks, job, status, etc) was nowhere what's needed IN a man (trust, compassion, willingness to work together, etc) for a relationship to work.
