Faith

I know you may be wondering, "how does having Faith affect whether or not I find Real Love?" Well let me begin by explaining that Faith is a process that involves four components: 1. You have to hear God's word on a matter. 2. You have to believe that word; independent of your situation or circumstances. 3. You have to confess the word that you heard and believe. 4. You have to put corresponding actions with those words.  

For many years, my concept of love was what I read in books, saw on TV or heard my friends say was love. But for me, doing what I read about, saw and even heard about from others never yielded the fulfilling relationship I so desired. Once I found out about the process of how Faith works, I determined that I would believe God for a rewarding and fulfilling relationship. Therefore, I look for Faith in a mans life as opposed to his material possessions. Because I know that when he operates in Faith, nothing is impossible for him to achieve and have in life.

I want to share with you a principle I learned through something that recently happened to me that confirms and supports the Faith process in regards to exercising Faith for a relationship. I recently met a man who has Cerebral Palsy (CP). Years ago, I worked in an environment of people diagnosed with CP. So I know the range of the disability.  But I'd never met anyone who made me laugh as much as this man did. Although he may have been limited physically by a disability, it was pretty obvious that he didn't allow it to keep him from choosing to live a happy life. Because of his limited speech ability, I purposed to listen and really hear each word that he spoke. It took some effort on my part but I eventually understood him perfectly. But not only that, he was able to stand his ground and not let me just give up on trying to understand him. He would say "no" when I asked if we could move on to another topic when I couldn't fully understand what he was saying. How often in dating relationships do we not really take the time to understand the person we allow in our lives. So that when we come against an obstacle, it's easier to give up and think the relationship couldn't possibly work. But what if it could? No matter the differences or obstacles.

That's when I began to clearly see that to take God at His word that marriage is possible for me, I couldn't be moved by what I saw. Here was a man that didn't fit any preconceived ideas I had of what a perfect mate was like but he was able to communicate with me on a level that men without a disability failed to do. I realized that even though I confess the word regularly, my actions didn't fully line up with my confession. I'm learning to not limit God's ability to provide the kind of mate I desire no matter the package he may be wrapped in. That Faith gives you the staying power needed when things look nothing like what you are trusting God for until what you are believing for is manifested in your life.

Real Love

I started this blog by discussing relationships; mine to be exact. I wanted to set the foundation before revealing the reason that pushed me to reveal my inner most struggles that started me on this journey of sharing my life to the world at large. Now that the Reason is known, I pondered "what's next?" Due to the limited number of rewarding, fulfilling and all-or-nothing relationships I've had in my life, from this point on, I want to explore more. As you can see from my previous blogs, so many other factors contributed to the make-or-break, pass-or-fail and even the win-or-lose mentality I carried into each relationship. So, if you like me want to explore more, keep reading and Enjoy the Journey!

My quest for that one true Real Love experience has taught me one very important lesson. Each and every relationship is different. That's why you can't look at someone's good or bad relationship and determine that your relationship will be just like that. We are to take their example and not imitate their behavior but learn from it. Will what you see in them harm, hinder or encourage and inspire your relationship? People are always in a learning stage in their life; whether they want to admit it or not. But when two people come together at a time when their learning coincides with one another, that makes for a meaningful relationship: Because they both are willing to put in the time and effort to make the relationship work. That's why we've seen people we were in a relationship with with, leave us and then go on to find someone else and their relationship seems to work. It's not magic; maybe they learned from the relationship they had with you and when they entered the next one, they applied the principles learned. Whereas, you are stuck in the hurt you felt from the breakup and refuse to learn how to do better with the next person.

Needless to say, I didn't get to this point in my life without a lot of conflicting emotions. Surely, the next guy knew not to do "that" to me. What if he didn't? Didn't I learn from my past relationships that I had to communicate with the person I'm with and not assume that he knows everything about me? Right now, the greatest joy I'm experiencing in new relationships is getting to know the person. Why? Because it's so much easier to see if I "fit" his lifestyle rather than trying to make a place for myself with someone just to say I have a man in my life. I learned from my Pastor that we should compromise standards; he no longer has to be tall, dark and handsome. But we should never compromise morals; he will always have to be a man of Faith, integrity and the God kind of Love -Real Love!

A Good Guy

A month after the online dating debacle, I was in the library early one morning preparing to make online bill payments due to having used up my mobile data for the month. After being there a while, a gentleman came and sat at the desk with me. He introduced himself and asked for my name. We started talking and before you know it, an hour had passed. He did most of the talking and I was content to just listen. Before long, I needed to leave because I had to go to work so I told him it was nice having met him. We exchanged goodbyes and I left.

Two weeks later, I was again at the library but this time it was early afternoon. The library was crowded so I sat at a table almost when you first come in. After a while, a table cleared toward the back where I usually sit and as I walked toward it, I saw the man that I'd met there two weeks prior. He was working on something so he didn't immediately come to my desk. But when he did, we talked again for over an hour. This time, I engaged more in the conversation and he just sat back and listened as I talked. I liked that. I had an art class that night and I told him I needed to leave. He walked me out to my car where we noticed that one of my tires needed air in it. He asked if I wouldn't mind following him to the gas station so that he could put more air in the tire. As I followed him, I phoned one of my girlfriends and told her what I was doing and gave her his tag number, you know, just in case.

While at the gas station, he not only put air in the tire that needed it, he also checked the other three tires as well. I liked that. When we'd gotten there, I'd given him money to get the change for the machine but he had coins himself. Afterward, he told me the importance of a woman always having money on hand for emergencies such as this then he gave me back my money. I liked that too. We stood and talked for a little bit where he continued to confirm his interest in me. He'd talked about it while we were at the library but the way he looked at me while at the gas station, I knew he meant what he was saying. 

To say that he came along in my life during a time when I not only needed to be made to feel like I was cared about but for him to actually be a good guy as well, endeared him to me all the more. I told my girlfriends that he really made me feel like a Female when he was attending to my needs. I really liked that. Although we are not at a place in our lives where a dating relationship is imminent, a budding friendship is definitely on the horizon.

Pushed or Stepped out

For the longest time, my best friend has been telling me that I should write a book about my life. She says the things that happen to me should be known by others: that the way I tell her the things that has happened would make for great reading. Then after I started online dating, a friend from church told me that I should start a blog of the things that happened between me and the guys I met online. I wholeheartedly agreed with them both because I've always wanted to write a book. However, I felt that writing about my life would be too transparent and that other people have gone through way more than I have who could possibly do a better job.

But after meeting Tyrone and not really being sure exactly what his motives for gaining inside knowledge of what's in my heart and his intended use of said knowledge, I knew that I could no longer be silent. I decided to write and tell my story because I refuse to let anyone else steal my voice. At my fingertips each week is a tool I can use to not only speak as loud as I possibly can, but it allows others to hear exactly what may be the source of their distress and offer avenues of not only inspiration and encouragement but healing, health and long life.

To say that I was disappointed with Tyrone (or whoever it was I communicated with) is an understatement. But to know that I'm in a place in my life where I am no longer a victim is a true testament to the fact that those past things I've talked about in my earlier blogs are truly in my past. No matter Tyrone's intended use, he could never use my words the way I use them. Even if he wrote the exact same words I did and tried to manipulate someone else with them, they would be lifeless for him because I'm the one who lived and breathed them. I truly understand exactly what my Pastor means now when he says "the presence of a counterfeit means that there truly is a genuine." 

Even though a relationship was not the end result for me through online dating, I'm glad I haven't given up hope on ever having someone in my life. The presence of Tyrone made sure I continue to believe there is truly an honest man of integrity that wants to be a part of my life. But for those of you who have given up on your dreams, don't allow circumstances to stop you from going forward in life. Don't wait to be PUSHED into doing those things that will bring you great fulfillment in life. STEP OUT and Enjoy the Journey as you Possess the Land.

The REASON why I Blog

His name is Tyrone Phillip Boateng and I met him on an online dating site. The reason I joined a dating site was because it gave me the opportunity to be able to meet men from all around the world. I'd been on a couple of sites for about 3 months when Tyrone "flirted" with me and I responded to his flirt. He asked for my personal email address. I'd only given that to one other guy because I felt it safer to stay on the site since it was being monitored (I was notified that a couple of men that previously contacted me had been BANNED). I gave him my usual speech about staying on the site, however, he was able to talk me into giving him my personal email. The thing that attracted me most to Tyrone was the fact that he was willing to share of himself. He suggested that we write email "letters" to each other; not the text messages or chatting that most guys wanted to do so that they could talk to as many women as possible. He said that he would put forth the effort to communicate with me and I told him I would do likewise. 

The initial letters were full of information about himself, his family and his work. He asked plenty of questions which I in turn asked back to him. We felt this was a good way to get to know one another because Tyrone lived in another state and we wouldn't have the opportunity to just meet somewhere for dinner and a movie. I enjoyed receiving his letters and he stated he enjoyed reading mine. I shared with Tyrone those things that were in my heart (some things I've shared in my blogs) because I'm not ashamed of my life. If I can help one person do better in life because of something I've gone through and I am able to let them know there is a better way, I'll do it. I remember telling a couple of friends that Tyrone seemed to be saying all the right things that I needed and wanted to hear. Even though, I still enlisted their prayers for me as I continued to pray about this budding friendship. 

In his first letter to me, Tyrone asked me to define relationship in my own words. My response to him was, "I think that the honesty and integrity of the two people who are communicating will define the relationship." Needless to say, I soon found out that Tyrone was not honest nor did he walk in integrity. This is the Tyrone he presented to me: "I am a one woman man and am not looking for a sexual partner or dating. I am looking for a serious relationship that will end in marriage. I am a 48 year old single dad of a son who is 10 years old. His name is Don and his mother died in a car accident some years back. I do believe Jesus is my Lord and personal savior and I am born again. I am an artist, sculpture and painter. I am a real easy person to talk to and a good listener. I am tired of searching and I hope you can be the chosen one for me."

Just from reading that, you know I was ready to call all my girls and let them know about this man. But I wanted to wait a while to see how things worked out between us. Then one day I got a letter that just didn't sound like "my" Tyrone. It sounded juvenile whereas Tyrone's letters sounded more mature. I knew it had to be a different person when I got to the part where he talked about us having been friends for some time. Dude, I barely know you! But I kept reading. He went on to say that since the day we met, he'd fallen deeply in love with me. That I was his best friend, his one true love. That he promises to share his life with me no matter what tomorrow may bring. Then his next words would contradict what he'd just said. He continued on by saying that he knew we weren't going to be able to be together because the distance was too great and it worried him. And even if we were already together and he hurt me, he'd beg me for one more chance to make me fall in love with him. To follow are the actual words from that LAST letter: "who knows - you might feel the same about me. I really think I love you, I just don't know how to tell you."

Excerpt from my journal: "Tyrone was a phony and a fraud. After he sent me the jacked up email, I went to the site to report him and there was finally a note saying his account was under review. I checked back later and he was officially BANNED! I guess my girls praying for me kept me covered because this could have really devastated me."

Me, Myself and I

Me: I've never been a "bad" girl so no drama that will catch up with me later in life. However, that doesn't mean that I don't have issues that I have to deal with. The good news is that in Christ, those issues are just reminders of how far I've come in life. Before being born again, I walked in rejection, low self esteem and discouragement. But now, I'm an overcomer and I try to use my life's experiences when I talk to others about moving forward in God.

Myself: At one point in my life I thought of myself as being fearless. However, when God spoke to me about making a change for my personal health, I became resistant to make that change. I told Him I couldn't make that big of a change because what would "she" or "they" think of me after the change. That's when He showed me that I feared man more than I feared Him. He was trying to help me improve my quality of life, but I was willing to stay in a state that hindered my growth because of what someone else might think or say. I heeded his voice and 12 years later, it was the greatest change I could have ever made to help boost my confidence and self esteem.

I: Today, I walk in the reverential fear of God because He knows what's best for me at all times. Excerpt from my journal: "Not only am I using these precious days to straighten out my thinking, I've come to realize that there are some things that I want; like dating. I want to date, be romanced by and get to know the man who will be my husband. I am not running out of time and everything does not have to happen quick, fast and in a hurry. I want us to grow together. Get to know one another. If we know early on great, if not, we can continue dating (if that's what we both want) until we are sure. I know God has already spoken and the end result will be good and very good. But right now, I'm ready to ENJOY the journey."

About Me

I grew up in a large family of 9 girls (7 still living) and my Dad had four kids (1 still living) from a previous marriage when he married my Mom. With me being the youngest, I basically grew up with my sister's kids. As we got older and they started lives of their own, I found that I didn't really have a foundation with my sisters so I'm constantly forming new friendships with each of them. That in itself has been an experience for me because my girlfriends over the years have been more like sisters to me than my own siblings. 

I've always had an independent spirit. I've never been one to follow the crowd. But somehow, I would always end up leading the crowd. I learned early on to take care of me from being hurt by others. But sometimes I failed to shield me from being hurt by me. I was my own worst critic. There was a time when I would look at myself and not see a single thing that was noteworthy. However, I learned when I was in Elementary school to not judge others by what they had or didn't have. I remember one weekend my sister planned to braid my hair. We had family get togethers on the weekend and one of our neighbors three kids came to our house. They kids basically wore the same clothes every day and never really looked as if they took regular baths. My sister decided that she was going to braid the little girls' hair too. I told my sister that I wanted her to braid my hair first. To which she quickly let me know that I basically can get my hair braided at anytime on any day. But these girls' didn't know when they'd even get their hair combed again. 

I've always wanted to be a mother (marriage was optional). However, as I grow in God, I realize that I desire marriage also. The fact that I've been through so much hurt and pain and I still want to live life to the fullest is the greatest use of the love God has so richly given to me. Growing up, I wanted to be a teacher and a secretary. I teach God's word (prior Sunday school teacher, family bible study and through my life's experiences) and I'm a secretary at work. I took the long route to get here, but I'm here. I enjoy journaling, reading, hanging out with friends and I dabble with poetry and writing. Most recently, I've gotten more in touch with my artistic and creative side by taking art as therapy classes. Each day, I evolve more and more into the woman that God created me to be and I'm Enjoying the Journey!