What I know

S.E.L.F.  E.S.T.E.E.M.
Seeking eternal life's fulfillment  Endeavor so that everything encourages me.

At the time when I was in the relationship with my friends cousin, I didn't know that I had self esteem issues. I just thought that I wasn't good enough to make the relationship work. I had no idea that the way I thought about myself hindered me from being able to give him what he needed. I didn't think I was pretty enough and I sure wasn't small enough. I thought when people saw us together they wondered what was he doing with me. I didn't want him to be embarrassed to be with me because if I thought those things, surely he thought them too.

As I write, I noticed how many times I said "I". It seems that I was more focused on myself and couldn't see past the limitations I'd already set for myself. Limitations of doubt, fear and low self worth. I doubted whether he really wanted me just for me. Why would he when I could name so many things that I would change about me? I even feared that he would change and decide that he no longer thought I was "the one". And there was no way I was going to believe that I was truly worthy of the love he was giving me, after all, I wasn't giving love back to him.

One of the first things God dealt with me about when I completely gave Him Lordship over my life was to deal with my lack of self esteem. I got into the word in order to get a clear picture of what I should look like. I started confessing my SELF ESTEEM acronym (from above) over my life as well as confessions about who I am in Christ. I still make my confessions daily because there are times when things around me say I'm still "that girl". Now that I know who I am and what I have to offer, I can Possess the Land.