I once was blind.

During my Sophomore year of College, a friend I'd met Freshman year was so in love that she wanted me to meet her boyfriend's cousin. The three of them came by my dorm and before the night was over, the cousin was madly in love with me. He wanted to be with me and didn't care who knew it. As far as he was concerned, he'd met his love match for the rest of his life. He was a sensitive young man who liked to express his love to and for me. It was overwhelming to say the least. How could he know? Why me? Is this real? I had so many unanswered questions but I knew that I had to at least give it a try. My friend just knew that he and I would make the perfect couple.

At first, the attention was new and exciting. I had nothing to compare it to nor was there anything in me that naturally knew how to return what he was freely giving to me. He bought flowers, hugged and kissed me a lot, sent get well cards to my sister (she had breast cancer), washed my car, tried to teach me how to drive his car (a stick shift). He invited me to an out of town wedding where I met his sister and brother in law. He introduced me to his parents. He wanted to be my "first". After my meltdown where I'd locked myself in the bathroom, he talked to me through the door. Then after getting me to come out, he held me through the night. He just wanted to be with me! And at whatever pace I was willing to set. He just wanted me to love him and didn't ask me to change anything about myself: Just give him what I could.

I wanted so much to be able to give him what he needed; my love. I felt so inadequate because I just couldn't seem to do "it" right. How could I give him what I didn't even have for myself? In my mind, the best way to show him was to let him go so that he could find someone capable of giving him the kind of love he deserved. So I had the "it's not you, it's me" speech with him and severed our relationship. At the time, I thought it was the best thing for the both of us. Over the years, I've battled the "what if" question many times. I lost contact with my friend after graduation. But a few years ago, she and I made contact again and I learned that he was happy and married with children. When I learned what real love was through God's word, I asked God to prepare me for the one who I can express all my love to and in a way that pleases Him.