Growing up with my Dad in the home but emotionally detached established the belief that I had that even though a guy didn't actively participate in our relationship didn't mean that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I saw it as him not fully being able to communicate his needs, therefore, as long as I gave him what I thought he wanted, that would be enough to sustain the relationship. I struggled for many years with abandonment issues as a result.
When my parents divorced, I blamed myself. I thought that I'd done something to cause the breakup, even though I knew there were problems in the home. After the divorce, I no longer saw my Dad. Although when we were in the same house and my Dad didn't actively communicate with me, I thought that after the divorce he would at least want to see me and still be a part of my life. When that didn't happen and I entered into relationships, I worried that each man would at some point leave, or abandon me no matter how much I wanted him to stay. I would make as many concessions to what I needed in the relationship to keep him happy and wanting to be with me. The more concessions I made, the less of the real me was left in the relationship.
Then one day God told me that He would never leave me or forsake me. That no matter who comes or goes in my life or what situations and challenges that I may face, He will always be there for me. It took His consistency and faithfulness to always show Himself strong, comfort and correct me for me to finally realize that He meant every word that He said. Because of the unconditional love that He gives to me, I am able to stand against abandonment issues in my present day relationships. So that now when a man no longer wants to be in a relationship with me, I allow him the freedom to leave.
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