Saturday, March 26, 2016

Fear Not!


I am at a place in my life where I can now embrace love, a man and a relationship. I can see how it's supposed to work, feel and be. For so many years I've fancied myself in love but I didn't truly have it on the inside. What I did have was surface feelings magnified to appear deep but was truly shallow.

I am grateful to God that He prepares the way before me. He informed me to prepare for marriage and although I've said it way too many times in the past, this time I know that I am ready to love and be loved. There will be no need to look for hidden agendas and motives because God brought us together and there's work that needs to be done. We are actually on the same team and are in it to win it. There's a whole world (our world) that need us to win so that we can be examples for them.

Today's video is one that I hope encourages and inspires you to let go of what is keeping you from going forward. I declare and decree that my marriage will be an inspiration and example for many generations to come. One that brings glory and honor to God because He is pleased with our covenant and stewardship.  





Friday, February 26, 2016

I did this ... Video

Back in August 2015, God revealed to me that I was not prepared for my marriage. I blogged about it (check out my blog titled I Did this to Myself 9/26/2015) as the revelation unfolded in my life. Today's video is the companion to that blog.

This is the very first video I created, so be gentle with me in your criticism. I really thought this video would be for my viewing only as a reminder of what God said and my response to His word. Nevertheless, if I can help someone else see where they are missing the mark, I'll gladly share my journey with them.

To briefly summarize the video, it contains the Rhema word from God. My process of making the necessary changes needed to correct and improve on what was revealed to me. And the catalyst for when things started to unravel and I got off course and maybe in my heart gave up on receiving what I desired. 

 
                             

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Hi, it's me Tracy!


Happy New Year!  I pray you have been Enjoying 2016 so far: that things are good and that all is well in your life.  As for me, I think it's time I come out of the shadows and walk boldly in the light of the truth - I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  That being said, I'm walking this year out (with fear and trembling at times) being true to my authentic self.  Towards the middle and  end of last year, I basically found myself on YouTube admiring the vloggers and their transparency with the world.

I found several couples who have inspired me and helped to reawaken my desire for a godly husband. Those couples are: Sarah and Touré Roberts, Heather and Cornelius Lindsey, Sheretta and Brandon Taylor and Adanna and David Steinacker. Each couple in their own right has represented a different aspect of a godly and healthy relationship that has so inspired and encouraged me. I hope you take the time to check them out too; I know they will be a blessing.
Happy 2016!

As I stated earlier, their videos encouraged me so much that I downloaded iMovie and I created a few videos of my own. The video post today is my grand entrance into the cyber world.  Meaning, it's truly Me you will see. Not a caricature (as my blog photo) or a scenic view from an island I've visited (like my email photo).  It's really me! - that's the fear and trembling part I talked of earlier.  It's basically me introducing myself to you and my way of saying "Thanks" for taking the time to read my blogs.

               Enjoy the Journey!
 




                                   
     
   

         

          

Saturday, December 26, 2015

I'm In Love!

Many, many years ago, I wrote a poem titled "I'm in Love". It was a poem about the love I had in my heart toward a God who would give His only Son as a sacrifice for my sins so that I could be made whole. I wanted to post that poem as my blog post for this month, however, it's stored on the hard drive of a computer that I haven't used in many years.  And the hard copy version seems to be "lost" in the never-ending supply of pages I've written over the years.  Believe me, I've searched for it and I've come to the conclusion that the Love I wrote about in that poem has grown so much so that a new poem is definitely in order for this blog post.

I spoke of a Love that was precious and new
It was so overwhelming that I didn't know what to do
When I'd told my family and friends of this Love I'd found
They took one look at the words and said I was out of my mind
Of a man surely it was that I spoke
To say that I loved God like that was really a joke
To write words like that with paper and pen
I could only be talking about mere mortal men
So I stored this poem on a computer and the back of my mind
Never realizing when I needed it, it would be hard to find
Even though I can't find what I wrote way back then
This Love in my heart is sure, steadfast and as close as my pen
So I sit here and write to the Lover of my heart
So much has changed since You gave me a brand new start
I can no longer hide the Love You freely give to me
Each time I think of this Love it makes me so happy
Happy to know that even when others doubt
I can look to you for answers and a way out
Out of bondage, shame, guilt and fear
Always knowing Your Love is so near
I'm happy, complete and I'm even whole
I now know that this was Your ultimate goal
That I walk worthy and righteous from now til the end
Cause Your Love for me has brought us closer than friends
With each new day and a Love so true
I just want to say
Lord, I'm In Love with You!

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Thanksgiving

For so long I've had to deal with the misconception that "something was wrong with me". I mean, why else would I not be married by now with a house full of children?  If desire was the only ingredient then I'd be well stocked for this to have happened.  Only thing is, it takes more than desire to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Just because I want it to happen doesn't mean that it will automatically happen.

Lately I've been reading historical fiction books dealing with mail-order brides.  This one book I read, the lady answered the man's request for a bride and when she traveled to him, he rejected her.  I mean come on dude, you pretty much have told the world that you can't get a woman on your own so you have to "send off" for one and when she comes, you reject her. That's the way I viewed my time with online dating.  Here I was in an environment that should be conducive to bringing people together where it should be easier to get to know one another. A place where it should be easier to open up and reveal yourself so that the other person can get to know the real you; and all I came across were guys who weren't willing to reveal anything at all.

I'm Thankful for my time with online dating, I'm Thankful for my time reading the historical fiction books but I'm most Thankful for the change on the inside of me that has taken place. I no longer feel that there is something wrong with me. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I am worth waiting for, finding and pursuing. I've grown over the year and a half that I've been on the online dating site and now I'm ready for the "REAL" world of dating. When I first got on the site, I still operated by my old mindset that he had to "be" a certain way for me to enter a relationship with him. However, after having interacted with these men, I realize that what I thought I needed OF a man (looks, job, status, etc) was nowhere what's needed IN a man (trust, compassion, willingness to work together, etc) for a relationship to work.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Prayer for my Husband

Father, I thank you for my husband: an authentic man. He works to provide for me, he provides me with emotional security, he's my protector and provides spiritual guidance in our home. He exercises Godly leadership in our home through modeling and giving directions. He does what he says he will do. He's the biggest giver I know. He takes the initiative and is wholly committed to me and he accepts responsibility. 

Father, thank you for my husband who is a real dad; an active and involved father. He schedules time to talk with our children; He often discusses things with them. He takes an active role in our children's education. He has fun with our children and teaches them skills and imparts the knowledge he has gained to them. He always tells them how much he loves them and is proud of them. My husband exemplifies being a real dad through loving, coaching and modeling. He loves by spending time, giving attention, showing affection, encouragement and respect to our children. He coaches by sharing wisdom, guidance, counsel and passing along his skills to our children. He models by being an example of an authentic man to our children.

Father, thank you for my husband who allows me to be the authentic woman you created me to be. He knows I was created to be loved, therefore, he loves me all the days of his life. He knows I am a woman who understands my worth, accepts my role as a mother: to always be there, support dreams, defend against the world, love at all times, love even when neglected, never give up and always go the extra mile all while fulfilling my purpose in the earth.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

I Did This To Myself

Why am I not married? Because I wasn't prepared to be married.  I didn't know the first thing about maintaining a healthy married life. I was only equipped with the fact that I knew I wanted to be married one day AND highly believed that I would have a good marriage.  What does that mean? That means that I had enough information (from the Word of God, family and friends marriages) that I've gleaned over the years and declared what would and would not be a part of my marriage based on others actions and experiences. But as far as what happens after the wedding, I was clueless of the commitment it truly requires to have a happy and healthy marriage.

But on August 26th, I got a revelation that I was NOT prepared for my own marriage. Sure, I have enough Word on the subject matter but that Word was just head knowledge. Case in point, why was I waiting to have a disagreement with my husband before I learned how to handle marital conflicts? You may be thinking, a conflict is a conflict. Learn how to handle conflict and you can handle conflict in every relationship. Tell that sentence to married couples and you'll soon understand the difference. For me as a single person, if a conflict arises with a guy I'm dating and we can't resolve it, then the best option would be for us to move on (especially if one or both of us is not fully committed to the relationship).  However, in marriage, where will you move on to because you're engaged in a conflict that appears can't be resolved? 

Since the 26th, I've been immersing myself in God's Word (Logos and Rhema), bible reading plans (courtesy of YouVersion), books on marriage (courtesy of iBooks) and YouTube videos (Touré Roberts and Sarah Jakes on Love, Purpose, Relationships and Destiny) and I truly believe the foundation for my marriage has been established. No longer am I on the outside looking in hoping for a good marriage. I am fully persuaded that I am prepared for an exceeding abundantly above all that I can ask or think marriage. Not only that, when I communicate with others now about their marriage, it's the principles I've learned that I share knowing that God's Word is the final say in every good and healthy marriage.