I'm In Love!

Many, many years ago, I wrote a poem titled "I'm in Love". It was a poem about the love I had in my heart toward a God who would give His only Son as a sacrifice for my sins so that I could be made whole. I wanted to post that poem as my blog post for this month, however, it's stored on the hard drive of a computer that I haven't used in many years.  And the hard copy version seems to be "lost" in the never-ending supply of pages I've written over the years.  Believe me, I've searched for it and I've come to the conclusion that the Love I wrote about in that poem has grown so much so that a new poem is definitely in order for this blog post.

I spoke of a Love that was precious and new
It was so overwhelming that I didn't know what to do
When I'd told my family and friends of this Love I'd found
They took one look at the words and said I was out of my mind
Of a man surely it was that I spoke
To say that I loved God like that was really a joke
To write words like that with paper and pen
I could only be talking about mere mortal men
So I stored this poem on a computer and the back of my mind
Never realizing when I needed it, it would be hard to find
Even though I can't find what I wrote way back then
This Love in my heart is sure, steadfast and as close as my pen
So I sit here and write to the Lover of my heart
So much has changed since You gave me a brand new start
I can no longer hide the Love You freely give to me
Each time I think of this Love it makes me so happy
Happy to know that even when others doubt
I can look to you for answers and a way out
Out of bondage, shame, guilt and fear
Always knowing Your Love is so near
I'm happy, complete and I'm even whole
I now know that this was Your ultimate goal
That I walk worthy and righteous from now til the end
Cause Your Love for me has brought us closer than friends
With each new day and a Love so true
I just want to say
Lord, I'm In Love with You!

Thanksgiving

For so long I've had to deal with the misconception that "something was wrong with me". I mean, why else would I not be married by now with a house full of children?  If desire was the only ingredient then I'd be well stocked for this to have happened.  Only thing is, it takes more than desire to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Just because I want it to happen doesn't mean that it will automatically happen.

Lately I've been reading historical fiction books dealing with mail-order brides.  This one book I read, the lady answered the man's request for a bride and when she traveled to him, he rejected her.  I mean come on dude, you pretty much have told the world that you can't get a woman on your own so you have to "send off" for one and when she comes, you reject her. That's the way I viewed my time with online dating.  Here I was in an environment that should be conducive to bringing people together where it should be easier to get to know one another. A place where it should be easier to open up and reveal yourself so that the other person can get to know the real you; and all I came across were guys who weren't willing to reveal anything at all.

I'm Thankful for my time with online dating, I'm Thankful for my time reading the historical fiction books but I'm most Thankful for the change on the inside of me that has taken place. I no longer feel that there is something wrong with me. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I am worth waiting for, finding and pursuing. I've grown over the year and a half that I've been on the online dating site and now I'm ready for the "REAL" world of dating. When I first got on the site, I still operated by my old mindset that he had to "be" a certain way for me to enter a relationship with him. However, after having interacted with these men, I realize that what I thought I needed OF a man (looks, job, status, etc) was nowhere what's needed IN a man (trust, compassion, willingness to work together, etc) for a relationship to work.

Prayer for my Husband

Father, I thank you for my husband: an authentic man. He works to provide for me, he provides me with emotional security, he's my protector and provides spiritual guidance in our home. He exercises Godly leadership in our home through modeling and giving directions. He does what he says he will do. He's the biggest giver I know. He takes the initiative and is wholly committed to me and he accepts responsibility. 

Father, thank you for my husband who is a real dad; an active and involved father. He schedules time to talk with our children; He often discusses things with them. He takes an active role in our children's education. He has fun with our children and teaches them skills and imparts the knowledge he has gained to them. He always tells them how much he loves them and is proud of them. My husband exemplifies being a real dad through loving, coaching and modeling. He loves by spending time, giving attention, showing affection, encouragement and respect to our children. He coaches by sharing wisdom, guidance, counsel and passing along his skills to our children. He models by being an example of an authentic man to our children.

Father, thank you for my husband who allows me to be the authentic woman you created me to be. He knows I was created to be loved, therefore, he loves me all the days of his life. He knows I am a woman who understands my worth, accepts my role as a mother: to always be there, support dreams, defend against the world, love at all times, love even when neglected, never give up and always go the extra mile all while fulfilling my purpose in the earth.

I Did This To Myself

Why am I not married? Because I wasn't prepared to be married.  I didn't know the first thing about maintaining a healthy married life. I was only equipped with the fact that I knew I wanted to be married one day AND highly believed that I would have a good marriage.  What does that mean? That means that I had enough information (from the Word of God, family and friends marriages) that I've gleaned over the years and declared what would and would not be a part of my marriage based on others actions and experiences. But as far as what happens after the wedding, I was clueless of the commitment it truly requires to have a happy and healthy marriage.

But on August 26th, I got a revelation that I was NOT prepared for my own marriage. Sure, I have enough Word on the subject matter but that Word was just head knowledge. Case in point, why was I waiting to have a disagreement with my husband before I learned how to handle marital conflicts? You may be thinking, a conflict is a conflict. Learn how to handle conflict and you can handle conflict in every relationship. Tell that sentence to married couples and you'll soon understand the difference. For me as a single person, if a conflict arises with a guy I'm dating and we can't resolve it, then the best option would be for us to move on (especially if one or both of us is not fully committed to the relationship).  However, in marriage, where will you move on to because you're engaged in a conflict that appears can't be resolved? 

Since the 26th, I've been immersing myself in God's Word (Logos and Rhema), bible reading plans (courtesy of YouVersion), books on marriage (courtesy of iBooks) and YouTube videos (Touré Roberts and Sarah Jakes on Love, Purpose, Relationships and Destiny) and I truly believe the foundation for my marriage has been established. No longer am I on the outside looking in hoping for a good marriage. I am fully persuaded that I am prepared for an exceeding abundantly above all that I can ask or think marriage. Not only that, when I communicate with others now about their marriage, it's the principles I've learned that I share knowing that God's Word is the final say in every good and healthy marriage. 

A Parable and a Gift

In the parable of the talents found in Matthew 25:14-30, I've for the most part, centered on the servants who gained more talents (five and two) in my studies and teaching of this parable. However recently, I've been exposed to the servant who was given the one talent who went and hid his talent (v.18).  When the Man who had given the talents returned, two servants explained how they used what they were given, gained more and were then rewarded. But the one who hid his talent expounded on the (perceived harsh) character of the man instead of taking advantage of an opportunity given to him to increase - and ultimately forfeited his reward.  

How does this relate to the here and now? Lowest common denominator: We all may not have several and various gifts, talents and abilities. But we all have been given at least one gift, talent or ability.  What are you doing with one talent you've been given? Are you increasing and gaining more? Are you using it to be a blessing to someone else? Not only that, how are you responding to the gift, talent or ability that others are sowing into you? Do you feel entitled to it or are you appreciative that someone thought enough to bless you?

This parable, specifically verse 18, has helped me to reconcile the fact that a gift I had given to someone was not used for its intended purpose.  Sure, I know that when a gift is given its the other persons right to do whatever they will with the gift. However, I still had to come to terms with the fact that even though the gift was needed and given out of a pure heart, it was not used for its intended purpose but was allowed to lay waste and dormant; not benefiting the receiver at all. The one question that remains to be answered is "why?" Only the receiver is able to answer that (believe me I've asked), but just like the man in the parable, the only answer I got was about me and my (perceived) character.

Someday Soon

I remember being told by my friend what the guy I liked told her he thought about me. He thought I wasn't "loud" enough to be in his life. Exactly what does that mean? He considered himself to be a player (I guess) and that any woman that was with him should want to be seen. Well, I didn't like to be seen. I was just as happy being in the background rather than out front and on display. But because I really liked this guy, I tried being "loud". Only problem is, he still didn't treat me any better or make me feel loved. 

That being said, I often found myself in other relationships waiting to get the guys opinion of me to determine which Me would be in the relationship. Surely I would meet and be able to keep the guy who wanted me to be or act a certain way. Over time, I began to realize that I didn't even know who I was any longer. So how could I give myself wholeheartedly to someone when I didn't even recognize myself? 

Now that I know who I am and what I want, I intend to stay focused (my actions and words lining up with my expectations) in order to receive the man of my dreams. Lately I had been wondering if I was making a mistake to stay true to my feelings and not deviate (settle for less) from what I desire in order to be in a relationship. However, it has become apparently clear that I am determined to have the kind of relationship and mate that I desire (every opportunity presented I weigh the options) and realize that to deviate would only gain me less than my true desires. 

A New Beginning

In life, you will experience many new beginnings. Sometimes you may have to start over due to no fault of your own; such as a job downsizing. Other times, you may have planned a brand new start for your life; such as returning to school in order to change your career path. In either case, it's how well you are prepared for the new beginning that will determine your outlook on life.

You may be wondering, how can I prepare for my job being downsized? It's all in your perspective on how you see this reduction in force affecting your life. If you think it's the end of your livelihood then it probably will be. If you see it as an opportunity to begin anew and try something different, then the many new career options that are available to you will put you in a position where you have choices of the path you will take. 

Now that you have seen how your perspective can affect your outlook about a job being downed sized, you will be able to apply that same principle to other areas of your life. Are you missing out on the many new beginnings in your life because your perspective has been off? If so, I'd like to encourage you by saying that when I stopped seeing the negative things (I've gone through 3 job downsizings in four years time) that have happened to me as stumbling blocks (the end of my hopes and dreams) but stepping stones (additional time to prepare for my dreams to come true), my whole outlook on life has been changed. 

Never let your situation 

Tell you who you are

God has a better plan

Where you'll outshine the brightest star

Now's the time to keep your head up

And trust Him with your heart

Cause often what looks like the end

Is always a brand new start